Just a Casual Observation...

Los Angeles Infrastructure Hanging by a Thread

2011-08-10T09:26:00.002-05:00

Los Angeles- the Babylon and On of our times.. was conceived with a good dose of sunstroke 75 years ago and has had its head in tv and film that long to ignore its daily infrastructure SNAFU’s (SNAFU=Situation Normal All Fucked Up)
Civil Engineers must be smoking medicial marijuana to ignore what is so obvious… the water pipes..power grid..and sewer systems.. most of the substructures..were done in 1924!!!!
Keep playing computer games waiting for the big one while sink holes and water pressure is so out of whack the sprinkler systems are causing problems weekly. We are in the age of digital worrying about water.. Anyone Anyone Why is our powergrid on wood poles interrupting tree growth.. and what is this GREEN Scene have to do with blocks of asphalt roofs and no zoning codes for replacing them with solar panels..

Waiting for the Big One..(Earthquake)

Typical Los Angeles behavior waiting for an agent from above to turn everything into a magical opportunity. Well this agent does not work for ICM or CAA. This agent is called Mother Nature and follows the agents of Chaos, Plate Techtonics, Geomagnetism and the Laws of Entropy (aka Physics). It made hi-tech Japan into a radioactive wasteland in minutes and now.. we play games with sprinkler days for civilians and challenge shower heads..worrying about water consumption when really the problem is the WATER PIPES ALL NEED TO BE REPLACED.

Varying water pressure and seismic activity have shaken this substructure system for 75 years now and we have the technology to use it..We just don’t.
Waiting… for what?
The WPA or Works Progress Administration http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Works_Progress_Administration, made this happen and now we need to figure out, Non-baby boomers, how to rebuild a country that is not a member of OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OPEC
Los Angeles is a great opportunity, or will be an example of too little too late. Learning from Japan is truly something that is more pertinent than not…so next time Carmegeddon makes national news.. realize it could be sooo much worse and Los Angeles Water and Power works daily to keep LA shiny and happy and out of the realization that the infrastructure is old and stressed out.

Update! Skulls on Kids - STILL A BAD IDEA.

2011-03-30T15:39:00.001-05:00

In response to the many heated comments on 2008 post Skulls on Kids - Bad Idea, Jill writes:

For people to be haters in defense of wearing skulls proves my point. Not a positive vibe. Art History talks eloquently about the meaning of skull symbolism dating back to the Middle Ages. The paintings of skulls represent the notion of VANITAS - the meaningless of Life, the material realm and the inevitability of death.

"Common vanitas symbols include skulls, which are a reminder of the certainty of death; rotten fruit, which symbolizes decay like ageing; bubbles, which symbolize the brevity of life and suddenness of death; smoke, watches, and hourglasses, which symbolize the brevity of life; and musical instruments, which symbolize brevity and the ephemeral nature of life. Fruit, flowers and butterflies can be interpreted in the same way, and a peeled lemon, as well as accompanying seafood was, like life, attractive to look at, but bitter to taste.

Vanitas themes were common in medieval funerary art, with most surviving examples in sculpture. By the 15th century these could be extremely morbid and explicit, reflecting an increased obsession with death and decay also seen in the Ars moriendi, Danse Macabre and the overlapping motif of the Memento mori. Paintings executed in the vanitas style are meant as a reminder of the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. They also provided a moral justification for many paintings of attractive objects." --wikipedia- Vanitas

Child in a burke by DLazar

As one Anonymous commenter wrote:

To believe that what you dress a child in determins (sic) their actions is crazy.

Women Hate Sports

2010-12-09T15:23:00.002-06:00

It's basketball season! I coach a girls grade school team. I went out to buy them shoes with some donations*.

I had seen a lot of ladies shoes online and a great deal at Foot Locker. When I arrived at the store and asked to see the basketball shoes that they had for women, I was literally laughed at.
Sales guy - Uh, we don't carry women's shoes. You could try Lady Foot Locker. (looks at his co-worker and rolls eyes)
Me – OK, where is that?
Sales guy - What?
Me – Can you give me their phone number?
Sales guy – What...? Uh, I don't think so.
Me – Why do you have women's shoes on your website – but none in your store?
Sales guy – Uh...what?
Me – You should change your name to Foot Locker FOR MEN.

At Foot Locker, we only sell shoes for real athletes, you know, MEN.

I call the Lady Foot Locker (after looking up the number myself, on my phone)
Me - Do you have women's basketball shoes?

Shape Up While You Walk!
Get in shape Without Setting Foot in a Gym.
AMAZING!

Sales lady – Uh. Not exactly.
Me – What does that mean?
Her – We have some shoes I'm sure you could wear for basketball.
Me – But, they aren't basketball shoes?
Her – No, but I'm sure they would be great.
Me - What kind of shoes do you have?
Her – All kinds of shoes for women! Walking, running, casual, cheerleading. You know, all kinds of stuff.
Me - But not for basketball? You know, it's basketball season, right? Thousands of girls all over the state are practicing right now on their grade school, high school and college teams.
Her – Oh, we do have some Shape-up shoes.
Me – What are those?
Here - You know, they help to shape your butt and legs just by walking around!
Me – (hangs up the phone)

Ok, no big deal, I am in a suburban mall and there are three other shoe stores in this mall. I walk over to Famous Footwear.
Me – Hi, do you have any basketball shoes for women.
Sales lady – No.
Me – Do you have any for men?
Her – (looks at me like DUH!) Yes, right over here.
Me – Will you be getting any in for women or girls.
Her – Maybe....doubt it. No.

The amazing MALL, where you can find anything you need, if you are a man.

OK. I walk over to Finish Line. They have shoes on every wall, hundreds of pairs for sale, in all brands and styles and sizes. Nice! I think. I need to buy 18 pairs of shoes and I am ready to make some sales persons day on commission.
Me - Do you have basketball shoes?
Sales guy – Yeah, tons! (big smile)
Me – how many different kinds do you have.
Him – Wow, uh, I don't know.
Me – More than 30?
Him – Yeah!
Me – Do you have any women's Basketball shoes?
Him – Uh.....no.
Me – None?
Him – No
Me – WOW! Not one pair? Because, women don't play basketball?
Him - (confused) Uh, I think they do...I bet they could wear some men's shoes though.
Me – Yes, I could wears men's underwear too, but I don't have any junk to whip out of that flap.
Him – (very confused) Sorry about that.
Me – YOU SHOULD BE!

I leave in a huff, ready to KILL someone. Here it is 2010 and there is not one store who actually carries women's basketball shoes?!?!?!?! How can this be? Don't they know that women hold the purse strings to the household? And that since Title 9 passed 39 years ago there are just as many basketball programs for boys in this country as there are for girls? HELLO.

I march into Sports Authority and demand to see their women's basketball shoes. The sales man looks at me sheepishly and says, Well, ma'am, we only have a few pairs.
EUREKA!
I buy every pair that he has in the sizes I need and and he calls around the area and puts the rest on hold for me. How is it that only one out of FIVE stores carries women's basketball shoes in the middle of the season?

Because, OBVIOUSLY, girls don't play sports.

*If you wanna donate a pair of shoes to my girls team click here – but you'll probably have to order online.

Clothes for MEN

2010-05-12T17:46:00.017-05:00

Grow up and dress like a man.

Why?

Because you are a Grown-Ass Man!

As summer approaches here in the Midwest I want to do my part to help men all over the city dress appropriately.

Men, think to yourself, would a 2nd grade boy look cute in this outfit? If the answer is “yes” then you should not be wearing it.

Why, you ask.

Because you are a grown-ass man!

Many men of the thirty-ish age are having an Arrested Development Crisis. Not knowing how to dress like a Man is a prevalent manifestation of this crisis. Men (30 and up!) are walking around looking like frat boys, poor college kids, ironic high schoolers and in some cases, even grade-schoolers.

For instance, the man on the left can easily be identified as a Man, where the same cannot be said for his cohort on the right.

Recently, a 29 year old male friend walked into Urban Outfitters. Zombie-like, he headed toward their wall of ironic t-shirts. Images include, Oscar the Grouch, The Pillsbury Dough Boy, different scenes from Where the Wild Things Are, and amazingly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, among others.

I had to step in.

STOP! I yelled. These shirts are cute on a grade schooler, perhaps a little funny on a High School student and getting annoying when worn by college “kids”. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR A GROWN-ASS MAN! I know it is confusing, they make it in your size (up to XXXL!), they sell it in “MENSWEAR”, but it is not for you!

Imagine a sign that says 18 and under.

Lucky for you, JCO is here to offer some wonderful unsolicited advice, so let's begin at the beginning.

As a Grown Man you need to make decisions about what type of clothes you want to wear and go from there. Like it or not, your appearance goes a long way in people's first impressions of you.

So, what type of clothes do you want to wear?

Let's assume that you want to wear the type of clothes that will attract a Grown Woman.
If this is not the case, Stop Reading (and go find yourself an 18 year old girlfriend).

The idea is to dress to impress.

Wouldn't it be weird if a 30 year old woman was wearing one of the above T-shirts?

Do you wanna see some nice and grown C-cup boobies in a sparkly Hello Kitty shirt? NO WAY! That would be a red flag!

Let me hit you with a quick list of things we (Grown Women) don't want to see you wearing:

1. Cargo Shorts and Cargo Pants (Camo is even more offensive)
Exceptions include: being on Active Duty, working on a boat, yard work, home repair.

At right, an example of proper camo/cargo execution. Please note that the model is 6 years old.

2. Baseball Hats
Exceptions include: At a baseball game – from little league to the majors, caps at sporting events are OK, be they indoors or outdoors. Otherwise, it is basically NEVER OK to wear a Baseball Hat indoors. NO type of hat is acceptable in a restaurant, in a church, or in someones home. Removing your hat is a sign of respect. When in doubt, REMOVE IT. Worried about your hair...? What are you, a chick. Get over yourself and show some respect.

3. Flip-flops
Exceptions include: At the pool, at or with-in 3 blocks of the beach and in your own home. Or, if you live in Hawaii. This is confusing for guys because Women wear flip-flops to show off their cute manicured toes. When you start manicuring YOUR toes, you can wear them out and about. Until then, keep your nasty Shrek Feet to yourself and put on some Man Shoes.

4. Ironic/Graphic Shirts
Exceptions include: NONE. OK...1 or 2 in your wardrobe may be passable, for instance, if your name is Raphael maybe the Ninja Turtle shirt is OK...IF you were a fan and IF you have a girlfriend already because FYI - no grown woman is down with that shit. Better to go vintage than cutesy, however, and to be safe, just stick to sports shirts.

Does this guy look cool to you?!?!

5. Overtly trendy items, i.e. anything with appliqué.
Exceptions include: none

6. Sneakers with nice clothes (i.e. sneakers with a suit or slacks) – get some grown-ass shoes already!
Exceptions include: Very few men can pull this look off. If you are wondering if you are one of those men -YOU AREN'T.

Besides not attracting Grown Women, some clubs and bars won't even let you in sporting this kid-gear. Case in point below.
This guy (name with-held) was trying to meet up with some hot girls at a birthday party for a prominent Chicago drug dealer at a Chicago bar with a not-very-strict dress code. When he arrived the bouncer denied him entrance. He texted one of these girls to explain the the problem. When said hot girl showed up at the door with the birthday boy, he laughed. He said that not even HE could get this guy into his own party lookin' like that. Ouch!

Of course, there are times when you need to break some of these rules. These are guidelines for going out in grown-up situations.

Ask yourself, do they make this shirt in toddler size?

In today's casual society the bar is too low. Let's raise it up people.

Man-up already.

Self-Defense for Dating, Lesson One

2009-09-09T12:45:00.011-05:00

What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place.
Ladies,
I think we can all agree on a few things. Dating today is dangerous! With modern day hazards like media (camera phones, facebook, blackberries), mandals (grown men wearing thong flip-flops and sandals), and the death of chivalry, we have a minefield to navigate.

Welcome to Self -Defense for Dating.

As a black-belt in TaeKwonDo and over all Martial Arts enthusiast with over 10 years of training (I just started Brazilian Jujitsu!), I have ample experience in the Art of Self-Defense. Adding to my formal repertoire, as a single woman of 30, I have real life experience to draw from as well!
I have dealt extensively with the following:

macho assholes who are tough

macho assholes who are actually pussies

drug dealers

drug addicts, drug fiends, and whores

guys who think that because they took karate when they were 6 that they are Bruce Lee and wanna prove it to me

gorgeous liars

manipulative lovers (fuckers)

insecure whiners

over-confident pigs

immature mamma's boys

and generally all manner of fuck faced jerk*

*might be worth mentioning here that I'm from Chicago

I am here to tell you the secret ingredient to Self-Defense - it's Offense!

In martial arts, like chess, there is the concept of the Perfect Move. The Perfect Move will be both Offensive and Defensive. The idea is to not only hold your ground and protect your position (Defense) but to simultaneously, wage an attack or gain ground (Offense).

Lesson One: What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place. (without your consent)

In a recent incident a dear friend of mine noticed a man walking behind her at an odd pace. She was dressed for work (in a skirt and heels) heading home on the train. After glancing back a few times she realized that he was trying to take a picture up her skirt with his camera phone! Her shocked response - to run, casually, away from him.

Her response was Defensive. She defended herself by removing herself from the situation. It served her immediate need - eliminating his ability to film her. This Defensive response is OK, but this move does not advance her position. It does nothing to address her feelings of anger, shame and embarrassment, nothing to deter him from doing this again, (maybe to her!), and nothing to warn the public.

One option for the Perfect Move here is to Open Your Mouth!

As you remove yourself from the situation, point at him and Loudly say something like, "That pervert is filming me!".**

With this short exclamation you are achieving Many Offensive results. 1. You are putting that jerk on the defensive with your words and shaming him. 2. You are warning the surrounding public of a predator in their midst and 3. You become emotionally empowered instead of feeing ashamed, abused or taken advantage of.

**Be forewarned that all perverts will deny guilt. (you should be long gone by now but) Do Not Doubt Yourself! You know what you saw.

Another option for the Perfect Move would be to Strike His Phone/Camera.

(Amazing that there is more than one Perfect Move in many situations! Hooray!)

His phone will likely be in close proximity to you and, also likely, he will be gripping it awkwardly.

Recently, I was able to execute this move effectively. At a bar's outdoor patio a man I didn't know, with his camera phone pointed at me, made a comment about filming me. Though he was not attempting to view me in a (sexually) compromising way, I had not agreed to be filmed and did not know this individual. In this case the best strike was a kick. I was able to swiftly kick his hand with the phone. Before he knew what was happening I had knocked his phone from his hand and into the street where it came to rest under a car.

In this move Offense is the Defense.

The Phone Strike met my immediate need - eliminating his ability to film me. It also put him on the Defense, weakening his position, now he has no iPhone and a busted hand. Additionally, he will not come near me again.

At no point should you feel any guilt about a broken hand or a broken camera/phone. This is combat ladies and people get hurt! It's just the price of doing business.

Same move for the shameless passive aggressive: kick his phone, knock him down and smack him in the head with your hand bag, all under the guise of those pesky heels making you trip! Silly lady! (this move is best in a crowded and public place and must be executed when you have an available escape route.)

I highly recommend working out and taking a Self-Defense or Martial Arts class. With a little physical confidence you will feel more comfortable executing a strike. You will be amazed at its effective and empowering qualities.

So in review, search for the Perfect Move. Open your mouth. Strike.
Sometimes Offense is the best Defense.

That’s all for today.

Death of Michael Jackson Brings New Perspective to Deadheads

2009-08-28T09:40:00.019-05:00

The Death of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 was shocking but not surprising. It is no secret famous musicians swear by their “Rock Doc’s”. (Doctors hired to travel and live alongside musicians in order administer and supervise hardcore drug habits).

The most successful drug-using Rock Stars are using the better doctors, for instance Keith Richards and Bob Dylan. Jackson, while gifted is unfortunately another case of a gifted musical performer who lost control of an advanced drug addiction.

But before Jackson will be admitted into the REAL Neverland, he has got to get past the Gate Security, which is reportedly swarming with Deadheads. These Deadheads will not let Jackson in, because, according to the Deadheads- Jerry Garcia did far more drugs and played thousands more shows than Jackson and STILL outlived Jackson by 2 years, making Jerry the Reigning King of Neverland. The Deadheads have blocked the entrance and Jackson is currently waiting in Pop Star Purgatory.

It has been revealed that both dead and alive Grateful Dead fans are far more dedicated to Jerry Garcia than Jackson fans are to Michael Jackson. There are more Deadheads then ghouls on Jackson’s Thriller video. Garcia played loaded to loaded stadiums for decades and the band toured up till the day Jerry died, and then they continued touring some more-playing to a subculture of hippie music fans.

Just A Casual Observation had the opportunity to interview a few Deadheads about this subject.

“DUDE, Jackson wussed out for 2 decades and got freaky, forgot about his fans, Jerry never did that, he steamrolled through the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s..on milkshakes, cheeseburgers and heroin, playing shows where he’d forget the lyrics, but his music never stopped.”

“Jerry didn’t really give a shit how he looked. Plastic surgeons and dermatologists was not how he got narcotic painkillers.”

“Jerry did sheets more acid then Michael-and he still played music. I mean, the point of the Dead is that the band improvises on a same group of songs. On the other hand, everyone expects Jackson to sound just like his highly processed albums. No wonder Jackson was ready to check out- 50 shows of the same song.”

“With the Inclusion of Jerry Band, the Reconstruction Period, and a Vault of 30 years of underground recordings of Grateful Dead Shows, Dead-icated fans have proclaimed Jerry Garcia the current King of Neverland and Michael Jackson is going to have to wait in the parking lot and hope for a Miracle.”

Summer Swimming Pools On High-Turd Alert

2009-07-30T22:30:00.015-05:00

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Department of Health and Sanitation

Authorities in Southern California are informing residents “No Pool is Safe-Do Not Assume the Pool you are about to jump into is Turd-Free.”

It’s been brought to the attention of Just A Casual Observation that the Department of Health and Sanitation has been swamped over the last two weekends with a record number of complaints in Southern California--that people are leaving unrestrained fecal matter in the local swimming pools. Just A Casual Observation interviewed Los Angeles County resident, Holly McCarthy about her past weekends at the pool:

“I was visiting friends with my husband down in San Diego two weekends ago, where some little kid crapped in the pool. Unbeknownst to others, one father quickly noticed it was his son’s so he discretely swept it with his hands out of the pool and kept it on the down low. Only one other person besides us saw this. The others kept swimming with no idea they were sitting in a turd tub!"

They didn’t close the pool because there was no life guard or pool attendant.

JCO: Are you sure it wasn’t just a Caddyshack reenactment? A Baby Ruth perhaps?

“No, they looked more like little kid Whoppers than an adult chocolate candy bar. There were no laughs to be had since behind the scene dad was giving a spanking."

JCO: Was this an isolated incident?

“Absolutely Not. The next weekend back in Los Angeles-- in a totally different pool, the totally same incident occurred-so it seemed at first.”

JCO: Please, elaborate.

“At first it appeared to be another innocent kid turd when one of the victims sitting around the pool pointed out it was way too large to come out of a child’s ass. At this point all pool-goers agreed the proper authorities could use DNA to trace the turd back to the perpetrator. So we all did nothing to remove it to try to preserve the crime scene. So my neighbor and his girlfriend and friend just swam around as if they didn’t know it was there. The fools almost compromised the crime scene by stepping on an essential piece of evidence!”

JCO: Was the Perpetrator ever apprehended?

“The profile was determined to be a Male 15-85 in boardshort or some kind of unconventional swimsuit with no-lining. Authorities say he has now retreated South and is working the pools of Orange County. It was reported he left a trail along the coast. Long Beach had a sewage spill last week. Coincidence? ”

Using DNA and infrared sewer tracking , authorities are confident they will crack “Jack the Ripass” before the suspect hits the pools of San Francisco.

National Burka Day Rallies in the House after Stunning Trial

2009-06-20T21:04:00.013-05:00

In an effort to forge better acceptance of America’s Muslim population, American Muslim women have been given the chance to rally for a National Burka Day in the United States.

Various cities conducted focus groups on non-Muslim women, giving their towns the chance to hold a Burka Day to see what sort of effect the clothing article would have on the general population.

“When my Mom came down the stairs to make breakfast in that Burka, Dad flipped out. I never saw him cry like that before. He told my Mom he would buy her that Range Rover she always wanted if she never wears that thing again.”

“ Guys stare at my tits all the time when I first meet them,” reports a woman from a Chicago, IL with a natural DD cup, “when I showed up to work in a Burka, whattyanooo…the guys had nothing to look at, and actually said my name, offered to get me coffee and we had a conversation about me—taking off the Burka.”

“All that heckyll and jeckylling I always get on the way to the bus stop because I have to wear heels and a skirt to work…diffused by shock and confusion when I wore the Burka. The men stopped what they were doing and leered, but instead of whistling and making hand signals--respectful silence.”

“More like fear, horror and the end of the roving eye,” complains a Terry Clemens of Springfield, MO. “Burka’s don’t abuse women, Burka’s Abuse Men!!,” Clemens becomes irate, “when every woman I see looks like a formless blob of black fabric without a face, you better bet that fucks with your head!”

Tom Murray of Phoenix, AZ agrees “Jesus Christ!! Did anyone warn Us Men about libidinal Armageddon? Yesterday women were hot, dressing to show off their cleavage, asses -- you name it. How in the fuck did a piece of dark fabric turn hot girls into hovering ghost-freaks. I can’t look at any of them.”

The Burka seems to be so unpalatable to American men they will do anything to remove it.

“Our marriage had been on the rocks for months, I felt so taken for granted. Then I wore the Burka for 1 day..and my husband said he would try harder, because he felt what it would be like if I was…gone.”

“I threatened to wear the Burka for a week if my husband wouldn’t pay for my daughter’s private school, on day three, he wrote the check…”

The results of the Focus Groups were exactly the OPPOSITE of what social scientists predicted. Men in America were more offended by Burka’s than women.

“This Burka joke is seriously-- a blow below the belt, “ Joe Rufus of Trenton, NJ. If this holiday flies in America—I’m gonna lock myself in the bathroom with a stack of magazines the entire day- Fuck Burkas!”

“Shit ain’t funny man, my girl looks like a secret commando or something…I can’t get into it.”

Poor Taste, Insatiable Appetite

2009-06-18T19:44:00.024-05:00

Credit Crunch, Downturn, Soft Economy, Recession, Depression even?

I prefer the term New Economy.
“New” Economy – as in, “I’m re-gifting these books to you, I really enjoyed them. Happy Birthday, in the New Economy.”

Well don’t tell that to the strip-mall-loving, one-person-per-car driving, army of uninformed consumers who flocked to the new strip mall in my hood on its Opening Weekend. This janky intersection of Elston and Logan Blvd. is choking with eager consumers. Eurika! Logan Square is fast becoming a city hub for buying crappy furniture.

What are they looking for?!
Well, JCO wants you to know, they are looking for cheap, shitty furniture!
Something for their next winter Dibs spot I guess.

There seems to be no end to the demand for unstable, particleboard laminate furniture. This shit comes in 1-3 faux wood shades, as well as, white and black. Remember, do not move, slide, relocate, reconfigure, or over load this fine piece of craftsmanship. Do not leave pieces out of its construction.

Besides being hidious, this stuff can be down right dangerous. Incidents of TVs and furniture crushing kids to death is on the rise!
See Attached Article

Thank goodness! The Poor Taste masses and their Insatiable Appetite for crap furniture rejoice! At this corner you have/had no less then SIX Stores where you can find what you're looking for!

1. Ace Hardware – Not really a hardware store – a place to buy outdoor candles and overpriced lawn furniture. They had a bunch of useful stuff too, like vacuums and shower curtains but no one knew they had it. Plus they never had the hardware stuff I was looking for. - now bankrupt and replaced by...

2. Joann Fabrics “Superstore” – takes this space over in an upgrade from a smaller store front. They used to just have fabric, but now you can buy some shit furniture there too.

3. Harlem “room place” – Looks like a ghost town in the same rambling strip mall in a sea of parking on the southeast corner of this monster intersection.

Sarah L.
Chicago, IL
I'm kind of wondering if this place is next for bankruptcy. Just like Wickes that used to be across the street from this place…

Niki C.
Chicago, IL
Had to return the furniture because it broke within a week. When it did break, they sent someone out to fix it, but as he pulled apart the sofa, we both realized that the sofa was made with ... cardboard. Yes. Cardboard. He told me that it wasn't uncommon with Harlem Furniture.

4. Home Depot - Overpriced versions of all kinds of things including, you guessed it, "furniture".

Andrew J.
Oh god, I HATE Home Depot. It's like the center of the universe for morons to work at.

This brings us to the tragic tale of...

5. Wickes – because there is seemingly endless demand, Wickes erected a 60,000 sq foot monstrosity to house their new super store right there in the middle of it all.....too bad fot them they were open less then a year, maybe 6 months. Now just a tragic shell, a place for Halloween USA to set up for a few months a year.

6. Target

Yoko
Chicago, Il

Its pressed particleboard, a step up from Wal-Mart but not much. If you move it wrong it will chip or splinter.......
Ive had better luck with quality and durability with IKEA

and last but not least -

7. Home Goods
This place was PACKED on it's opening weekend.

Feed the masses!!!! Gobble it up. Horrible bedroom sets for $650.00. Don't miss out!

Unfortunately, like most things, you get what you pay for when it comes to furniture. And the shit just don't come cheap. The best way to get some good stuff these days is Old School - Garage Sale - there you can find dressers made out of (gasp!) Real Wood! With (amazing!) metal drawer pulls! One of the benefits of this Real Wood is that it can be sanded and re-stained, or re-painted and then RE USED, even handed down or re-sold.
It has VALUE.

NASA Study “From the Past” Finally Unclassified

2009-03-25T00:01:00.020-05:00

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration could not prevent the information leak to Just A Casual Observation about the classified study they have been conducting on People “From the Past”. “NASA’s HP RX-9007 Nano-accelerator habitually materializes people from the Past. We know this because the people appear in black and white. This happened during the Kennedy Administration a few times and again last week at Kennedy Space Center.” confirms a NASA scientist who granted JCO a classified transcript, and remains anonymous.

This Group “From the Past” is quite opinionated about what they see in 2009.
“Last time I was here, all the people walked around moving smoking white sticks in and out of their mouths.

Now I see everyone has white wires coming out of their ears?"
And they look at little illuminated squares and talk to the square when there is a person right next to them? They talk to the square?"

“Yes, it is true. Everybody is looking at illuminated squares?”

“I can’t believe they fell for the paper money thing again? We humans sure do forget bad things fast. Wasn’t the global mess after WWI bad enough?”

“Here, here..not even a lifetime later. Belief in Credit - Realized as Fictional Value ”

The progressive devaluation of money became increasingly manifest. The neighboring states had substituted their currency for the old Austro-Hungarian notes…Soon nobody knew what any article was worth. Prices jumped arbitrarily; a thrifty merchant would raise the price of a box of matches 20 times the amount charged by his competitor, who was innocently holding yesterday’s quotation...People with wallets bursting with paper money were exasperated to find the scythe, the hammer, the kettle they were to buy had overnight risen 20 or 50 times in price.

Thereafter the people sought only to exchange merchandise for merchandise and demanded substance for substance. Substance, anything but money, became the watchword; people wanted goods instead of paper…Those who had wealth in the form of cash in a bank or government bonds became impoverished. A man who had debts became free of them. The very fact that what once represented the greatest stability—money—was dwindling in value daily, caused people to assess the true values of life-work, love, friendships, Art and Nature; and the whole nation lived more intensively and more buoyantly than ever-- despite the catastrophe; the collapse of money made us feel nothing was enduring except the eternal within ourselves.
(Zweig, Stefan, The World of Yesterday, Viking Press, Inc. 1943. pp. 289-91)

“Ah Yes. The End of the Hapsburg Rule..800 years, and all those Austro-Hungarian countries got swallowed up by Communism. “

“Sneaky group those Communists.”

“The KGB sold all their Social Control techniques to the Americans. Surveillance Cameras, Global Positioning Systems, Satellite Cameras, Numerical Identification Citizen Surveillance ,
Fear-Your-Neighbor Propaganda— All Recycled Iron Curtain Crap.”

“Is that why they talk to those illuminated squares now?“

“No, they are playing “Insect” ..talking to each other with antennas. And flying around at absurd life-threatening speeds in rolling metal capsules..do they have any idea how fast they are going?"

“Somehow when they fly around they forget ---Terrifying! One wrong move and…smoosh..like an insect against a glass window.”

“Is that why they are always consulting with the illuminated square?"

“I think it’s to make sure they are safe and important while they are speeding around in the rolling metal capsule.”

“ Perhaps, my opinion is these over-mechanized 2009 humans are trying to be in 2 -3 places at once. Where they are-- and somewhere else…and oftentimes moving towards a third point… the preoccupied over-stimulated lack of focused attention…going 75 mph in a metal capsule is their way of pretending they are not vulnerable organic creatures, but machines… operators of machines!”

“Yes! Sort of how religious fervor was once the Enlightenment of the Age, now this age 2009 believes that Machines are the source of Enlightenment.”

“Machines made by people are better than people.. Smarter and more creative than the human mind.. ”

“Oh Dear… that hasn’t changed since 1945. Humans trying to conquer rather than accept their natural organic limitations… nothing new..usually a toxic byproduct--take NASA for example, all that attention and money spent on sending humans beyond breathable atmosphere fueled a machine that influenced Weapons Development, Computer Science Development, Money Engineering, Mass Culture Social Control, Culture Industry, Advertising Propoganda,Interactive Marketing..Mulitmedia Conglomerates...Disney..Warner Brothers, Viacom, Nokia, Starbucks. Completely constructed culture, these people of 2009 live in a manipulated-highly integrated consumer machine."

“Is that why the people stare at moving screens and illuminated squares instead of at each other?”

It's F'ing Golden - The Audacity of Greed

2009-03-03T21:14:00.005-06:00

Please welcome Guest Observer, Jessica Cook.

Jessica has contributed to JCO before. She works behind the scenes as legal advisor, in-house counsel, typo spotter and copy editor (for the Missy half of JCO). She’s a lawyer packed with lots of Gonzo advice, like "As your attorney, I advise you to have another drink", and famously, “DON’T BLOW!” Jessica is a former Capitol Hill intern, a part-time model, walking TV Guide, sometimes fashion stylist and an overall smarty pants know-it-all.

It's F'ing Golden - The Audacity of Greed
Part 1
As most of you know there has been quite a bit of nasty publicity for Illinois Politicians of late. Though the “Land of Lincoln” is basking in the glow of its native son, President Barack Obama, we can’t help but be a little embarrassed about family secrets that have recently come to light. The world media’s spotlight caught former governor Rod Blagojevich, U.S. Senator Roland Burris and arguably state Senator Jesse Jackson Jr. scurrying from the light like a bunch of filthy roaches in a bathroom on Chicago’s West Side.

Well, it’s time to weigh in. Jessica Cook and JCO have been patiently waiting for this Blago thing to bottom out, and maybe it finally has. If President Obama represents the very best that Chicago has to offer, then Rod Blagojevich (Blago) is (currently), the worst. *

Warning: The following content may be considered offensive to our non Mid-Western readers.

Welcome to the Chi. (pronounced: SHY)

Offensive content includes:
• Profane Language used by both men and Women.
• Shockingly crass and self-serving behavior committed overtly by numerous elected officers of the Illinois State Government
• Bribery
• Perjury
• And overall Assholery

By now, the brilliant Blago plot to sell off President Obama’s vacated U.S. Senate seat to the highest bidder has notoriously spread around the world. It has spread not just by reporters foaming at the mouth over this made-for-tv-movie plot line, but due to his own absurd self-promotion and arrogant denials. I hear he is currently going door-to-door these days in an effort for a grassroots PR campaign, lest anyone forget him. But that’s a story for another day…**

“I’ve got this thing and it’s fucking golden, and, uh, uh, I’m just not giving it up for fuckin’ nothing. I’m not gonna do it. And, and I can always use it. It can parachute me there.”
-Blago

If you have otherwise been living under a rock since November, you are familiar with the scandal. Blago gets excited that he has a “golden ticket” to his political and financial future when Obama wins the presidency. He’s so excited, in fact, that he forgets the cardinal rule for all lawbreakers – do NOT discuss illegalities over your phone lines. Just his luck the Feds were tapping his line for other corruption charges when they hit the jackpot themselves and overhear not just Blago’s dirty mouth, but his Chief of Staff’s and that of his lovely wife Patty***.

"I apologize for the profanity...If I knew they were listening, I wouldn't have used those words."
-Blago

That this Senate seat is his to appoint to whomever he wishes is more power than the infamous Blago Helmet Head can withstand. Not only do he and his peeps troll for huge donations to his campaign fund, they threaten, intimidate and extort people all over town including Children’s Memorial Hospital**** and the Chicago Tribune.

“Our recommendation is fire all those fucking people, get ’em the fuck out of there and get us some editorial support.” Blago, in regards to The Chicago Tribune.

He aims to find his wife a lucrative lobbying job as well. He starts rounding up potential candidates, asking how much they can give. Why not another black Senator – that will make Illinois look good around the world, right? Let’s start calling Jesse Jackson, Jr. and talk to him OVER THE PHONE.

Blago even mentions that if he can’t find anyone to shell out enough dough to warrant the appointment, then he wouldn’t mind appointing himself to the open seat instead. Many of you who are not from Illinois may find this insane, but this is actually run of the mill political activity in these parts. Blago’s gubernatorial term would be up in a couple years – he’d need to keep his family in the style they’d become accustomed. Why not wield his power for himself instead of for the greater good of the state of Illinois? This is why he got elected and you didn’t. You must think like a cliché B-movie mobster to get anywhere in Illinois politics. They don’t call it “pay-to-play” for nothing.

(Advisor B and another consultant are believed to be on the call) they are telling him that he [Blago] has to “suck it up” for two years and do nothing and give this “motherfucker [President Obama] his senator”. To which Blago says, “ Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him.”

Obviously, these wiretapped conversations (hundreds of pages long, most of which the Feds haven’t even released yet because they are saving the juicy stuff for the Blago Criminal Trial) are all just Taken Out of Context. We hear the Governor’s unmistakable voice ranting to his brother and others on the tapes that the open Senate seat is his alone to appoint, that he’s got “this thing” which is “f*ing golden and I’m not just going to give it away for nothing”. Yet, he claims that he is not a corrupt scum-sucker. In fact, he is a good, solid guy.

Blagojevich likened the current drama surrounding him "to a 21st Century Frank Capra movie... how the good guy was up against the establishment... But he stood firm for the people. That's what this is about."

What are the only steps you can take after the Feds arrest you and you’re “innocent”?

1. Refuse to step down from the governorship. Despite overwhelming calls from your peers, your constituents and the President himself.
2. Claim you are innocent. See upcoming media tour.
3. Hire a lawyer to cover your ass.

Check.
Check.
Check.

So, in an absolutely brilliant move, he hires R. Kelly’s Lawyers!
R. Kelly got off even with Video Tape Evidence. Surely, Blago can get off with just Audio Tape Evidence.

The problem he runs into here, though, is that in order for a lawyer to help his client, the client must listen and shut his mouth. Aye, there’s the rub. Instead, what does our genius Helmet Head do? Go on a whirlwind press junket and be a guest on almost every national talk show.

Ah, the media tour. He starts it off with an interview on the Today Show in which he appallingly compares himself to Nelson Mandela, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Gandhi.

"I thought about Mandela, Dr. King and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this and that is what I am doing now." Blago, in regards to being taken from his home by Federal Agents at 6am on December 9, 2008.

As if late night pundits didn’t already have enough fodder. Please, please Blago, will you do your best Richard Nixon voice for me and say, “I am not a crook”?

Instead of heading these nation-wide cries for his head, he decides to hunker down and continue to go into work: to look for someone to sell the Senate Seat to. He talks to the media and is dropped by his magical lawyers. He does everything he’s not “supposed” to do. But, that’s not his fault – he only understands Illinois politics and not life on a grand scale, clearly. Poor little Helmet Head.

The Illinois legislature holds Blago’s impeachment trial during his press junket. Since he’s innocent, he doesn’t even show up.

“…it’s schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn’t the one who did it and he’s got other boys he’d like to have tell the teacher he didn’t do it”

"Under these rules, I'm not getting a fair trial. They're just hanging me,"

"…it is a trampling of the constitution."
-Blago, referring to his trial

Since the gloves clearly fit, Blago is impeached. But not only that, these Illinoians know how his mind works, so they do the only thing they can think of to stop him: they ban Blago from Illinois politics for life.

This is one step too far for him. What is a politics lifer supposed to do to get the people of Illinois to return to his side? Continue ranting and raving! The impeachment and everything is all a plot to raise taxes in Illinois
(of course it is). Conspiracy! Ah, the plot thickens…

Be on the lookout for PART 2 of the continuing Blago saga when we return with the next installment on the ever comedic Roland Burris.
Coming Soon!

*Past “Worst Illinois Politician” position holders include, former governor George Ryan, Reverend Jesse Jackson, Mayors Richard R. and Richard M. Daley.

** Just recently Blagojevich bagged a book deal in which his literary agent describes he’ll “expose the ‘dark side of [Illinois] politics’”. If it’s anything like the wiretap evidence, it should be a real page-turner.

***Meet Patty Blagojevich, hardball political thug, via the criminal complaint in her hubby’s massive corruption scandal, page 44 (language warning), involving a deal the Tribune newspaper company wanted on behalf of the Cubs baseball team:
In another call between ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A that occurred a short time later on November 3, 2008, ROD BLAGOJEVICH and Deputy Governor A discussed an editorial from the Chicago Tribune regarding the endorsement of Michael Madigan and calling for a committee to consider impeaching Blago.
During the call, Blago ‘s wife can be heard in the background telling ROD BLAGOJEVICH to tell Deputy Governor A “to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.”
Blago asked Deputy Governor A what he thinks of his wife’s idea. Deputy Governor A stated that there is a part of what Blago’s wife said that he “agree[s] with.” Deputy Governor A told Blago that Tribune Owner will say that he does not have anything to do with the editorials, “but I would tell him, look, if you want to get your Cubs thing done get rid of this Tribune.” Later, Blago’s wife got on the phone and, during the continuing discussion of the critical Tribune editorials, stated that Tribune Owner can “just fire” the writers because Tribune Owner owns the Tribune. Blago’s wife stated that if Tribune Owner’s papers were hurting his business, Tribune Owner would do something about the editorial board. Blago then got back on the phone. Blago told Deputy Governor A to put together the articles in the Tribune that are on the topic of removing Blago from office and they will then have someone, like JOHN HARRIS, go to Tribune Owner and say, “We’ve got some decisions to make now.” Blago said that “someone should say, ‘get rid of those people.’”

****… the discussion turned to Children’s Memorial Hospital, and ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Individual A words to the effect of “I’m going to do $8 million for them. I want to get [Hospital Executive 1] for 50.” Individual A understood this to be a reference to a desire to obtain a $50,000 campaign contribution from Hospital Executive 1, the Chief Executive Officer of Children’s Memorial Hospital. Individual A said that he/she understood Blago ‘s reference to $8 million to relate to his recent commitment to obtain for Children’s Memorial Hospital $8 million in state funds through some type of pediatric care reimbursement. … Intercepted phone conversations between Blago and others indicate that Blago is contemplating rescinding his commitment of state funds to benefit Children’s Memorial Hospital because Hospital Executive 1 has not made a recent campaign contribution to Blago. From - http://www.thebigmoney.com/articles/juicy-bits/2008/12/09/wanna-buy-senate-seat

Rhymes with "Base Hook"

2009-02-22T22:25:00.008-06:00

Please welcome our first Guest Observer, Pete Babb.

Pete Babb, also known as DJ Enki, was right there with Missy and Jill when they came up with the concept for Just a Casual Observation, though he contributed nothing to the concept, with the possible exception of some sarcastic jokes. He's kind of like the crazy cat lady, except with records instead of cats and with slightly better personal grooming habits. In case you couldn't tell, he's got a nice little cynical streak.

Rhymes with "base hook."

Recently, I was hit with a friend request on a social networking site that shall remain nameless, but the name rhymes with "base hook," and it's Facebook. I blithely accepted, happily unaware of two things:

1. The person I had just befriended was somebody I went to middle school with (she was going by a different name than the one she used in middle school), and

2. She wanted to start up a group all about our middle-school class, complete with scans of yearbook pages, old photos, the whole magilla.

Pardon me, lady, but what the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of deranged individual is brimming with nostalgia for fucking middle school?

Nostalgia for elementary school I can understand. It's your formative years, it's more cutesy than difficult, and it's fun (and funny) to see yourself as a wee little'un. I'm not much for high-school nostalgia personally, and I think people who peaked in high school and continue to cling to that faded glory are kinda sad, but at least it makes sense--it's an important part of growing up, your decisions take on much bigger ramifications for your future, all that stuff.

But middle school?

Who the hell wants to unironically take a sepia-toned look back at the most awkward part of their lives? Who actually wants to re-live those tween years when you're getting your ass kicked by puberty and all the unfortunate things that come with it?
Above: Missy of JCO (@ left) and Ms. J. Cook, Esq. a future contributor to JCO and in house lawyer. 6th and 7th grade respectively. We are only comfortable with this picture because we turned out okay (see below right).

And to move from the general to the specific, why did she want to pull me into her ridiculous back-in-the-craptacular-ol'-days project? We weren't friends back then. We never really spoke as we moved in different social circles. I can't even recall having any classes with her--we were just in the same grade. And yet here she is like, "Hey, remember when we were all gawky-ass, pizza-faced doofuses? Wasn't that the best?"

Criminy.

There's a good reason why today I'm not friends with anybody from middle school (save one guy, who I've been friends with since the first grade): middle school sucks. Pretty much by definition, it sucks. Why anybody would want to fondly recall it is well beyond me.

Above: Jill of JCO (far right)looks alarmingly well adjusted for Jr. High. Rare, like a unicorn.

Just a Casual Observation One-Year Anniversary!!!

2009-02-01T12:26:00.017-06:00

JCO is proud to celebrate our first full year of Casually Observing.

JCO is Jill Jeannides and Missy Weimer, these two trash-talking Chicagoans have been fast friends since 1997 when they met at the very prestigious School of the Art Institute of Chicago (SAIC). They have a long tradition of opinionated ranting and unsolicited advice giving. JCO was a natural extension of their prolific output as artists, in hindsight, it’s surprising that it took so long.

JCO was born on New Year’s Day 2008 at the Phoenix Hotel in San Francisco. Just a Casual Observation was made about the dating habits of men who have only one testicle. This observation led to a compelling impetus to publish and continue with new observations on all sorts of topics...it was the fertile grounds in the lower belly of San Francisco's tenderloin-- that delivered the scathing commentaries that would nurture Casual Observations for months to come.

Below is a look back at our first year:

We would like to thank our top viewing countries:

United Kingdom - The UK love feels so right, JCO is a huge fan of AbFab, Mr. Bean and British Humor in General.
Canada
Finland
France
Netherlands
Germany
Hong Kong
Philippines

Thank you for being top page viewers and spending the most time on our site. We can see that our humor is appreciated the world over. Not unlike David Hasselhoff, we are big-time in Germany!

Also, we would like to thank our well performing posts including:

Burberry Plaid in Midst of Rebranding Campaign Consistently our top page viewed this hilarious post waited patiently for its day in the sun.

Skulls on Kids – Bad Idea – this post struck a chord for many and fostered outrage and disdain in at least one commenter.

Text Messaging: The Death of Courtship in the Modern Relationship Paradigm - With the raciest image, this post is stumbled upon with keywords - people looking for relationship advice in a modern world.

KGB Issues Top 10 Mentality Differences Between Russians And American - this post found a late following and is a current top 5.

Updates:

• Asian women are still mean.

• Bad Suits and Thong Sandals still blanket the LA Area like a thick and suffocating smog.

• Obama wins the Presidency with JFK's endorsement (a favorable omen after all) and despite Jesse Jackson's idiocy.

• WALL STREET WEEK END BAIL-OUT...well we all know what happened here. Remember who casually observed the Wall Street Closeout Sale First?..Also...The Freddie Mac Sandwich is currently being engineered by Top econonmists for debt consumption.

Obama Administration Inspires Populous-Based Stimulus Package

2009-01-27T01:43:00.009-06:00

“The Homey Hook-up” is what it’s being coined across the country. The stimulus package comes down to a look in the eye, a nod of recognition, a gracious and polite treatment of an employee, or a respectful conversation between fellow Americans while one citizen helps the other find or purchase the goods and services we cannot live without.

Magical things can happen to the quality and price of consumer transactions when the Homey Hookup is applied. In some cities, like Chicago, the mere greeting, “Obama” to a fellow cashier will slash a grocery bill by 20%.

“It’s all about connecting with the Man now,” say supporters of the stimulus package. “You either get it or you don’t-- and the Man can tell by a look in the eye, body language, and tone of voice… if you get the price discount or not. “

The scale of discounts is gradated. Top US consumer supply chains are reporting, “Employees seem to be just giving products away and applying discounts at the register whenever they feel like it. The inventory and balance sheets are totally out of whack-it’s like the people are taking Wall Street to Main Street.“

Recent reports from Rand Consumer Market Research state the current stimulus package allows:

1) 50% Discount at the register to family members of (any and all) store employees.

2) 35% Discount at register to blood relatives in good standing.

3) 30% Discount to customer who personally greets cashier and speaks to them “on the level”

4) Automatic –“anything helps in this economy--Buy 1, get 1 Free!” to customers “on the level” who compliment clerks for helpful store service.

5) 25% Discount at register to all “Homey’s” in good standing.

6) Complaining, Insulting and Nagging Customers will be prohibited by Law from receiving any discounts at the register.

7) 20% decrease in inventory and profits for Employers who are negligent and disrespectful in any way to employees in the service industries.

8) 10% Discount at register upon the utterance of the magic word, “Obama”

The US Treasury and the Obama Administration are still working out the details. They appear to be one step behind the People, who are taking America’s stimulating power shift into their own hands.

According to a manager at Target, “Management is considering putting large folding tables right behind the cash registers- so we can monitor how many products are going under the table-and straight out the door.”

Money exchanges at registers nationwide are leaving customers and cashiers smiling, laughing, and identifying with the tough times.

Americans around the country are feeling the empowerment of the new stimulus package:

A Kinko’s copy customer shares her story, “I was in Kinko’s and some bitch lady started ripping the clerk about a mismatched color on a baseball poster of her son. Screaming at the person working her order - big mistake in this new economy-her job was botched and she had to pay retail price. Now the same Kinko’s botched my job, but I was civil about it, making a joke about the bitch who blew a gasket about a color mismatch.. and what do you know? The clerk told me to go to a different register and I got 50% off!!”

A Trader Joe’s customer leaves the store with a free box of chocolates, “What a nice cashier, he worked it out so I got a free box of chocolates with my purchase because I used one of their old boxes as a grocery bag! Wow! Anything helps in this economy!”

Fast food chains are offering free upgrades from Medium-size to Super-size to any customer showing upon payment- a picture of the new first family- the Obama’s. This has reported to move inventory – and push America’s gross consumption back towards pre-recession level.

Osama Bin Laden and Kim Jong-il are Dead! What is this, Weekend at Bernie’s?!

2009-01-17T12:44:00.014-06:00

If you two are not dead. SHOW YOURSELVES!

JCO has been watching your stories closely and it reminds us of a certain 1989 Hollywood movie starring a young Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman.

You guessed it, Weekend at Bernie’s.

Osama bin Laden
Osama, you are dead OR you haven’t changed your clothes since 2001. How could a man with your omni-present ego stay quiet for so long? Not claiming responsibility for terrorist acts the world over or taunting the relentlessly zealous USA for being unable to find you – a man they claim is ill and weak, even, “dying of kidney failure”?
Are we really “being played for chumps by jihadists.”? As blogger Gina Cobb suggests?

You have been pronounced dead every year from 2001-the present by any number of global intelligence agencies, and world leaders including Pakistan's then president, Pervez Musharraf, Benazir Bhutto (R.I.P.) and the Israeli Secret Service (Mossad).

“Osama bin Laden is probably dead, but former Taliban leader Mullah Omar is alive,” Afghan President Hamid Karzai has said. [CNN]

Virtually everyone BUT the CIA admit that he is deceased.

Hello.

USA…

Haven’t we seen this BEFORE?

YOU ARE DEAD!! WE DECLARE IT!

Kim Jong-il
A recap in conspiracy.

1. Since 2003 there have been claims that Kim Jong –il is dead and that foreign dignitaries have been meeting with a series of body doubles, some whom have undergone plastic surgery to look more like the “Dear Leader”. (see image below)

2. 2008, South Korea's Yonhap news agency cited an unnamed official as saying that the 66-year-old was almost certainly ill.

3. He DID NOT appear in public to receive the Olympic torch in Pyongyang on April 28, 2008.

4. August 14, 2008, a US intelligence official said the reclusive leader may have suffered a stroke.

5. On September 9, 2008 Mr. Kim was shockingly absent from a parade and much anticipated nation-wide celebrations to mark the 60th anniversary of the communist state.

Korean “analysts” have cautioned not to “read into” the public appearances (or NON-appearances) of Mr. Kim, saying he is known to drop out of sight for months and then show up in field guidance tours to military bases, farms and factories.

They have released this image of “him” (below). To prove he is alive. However, Jill and Missy of JCO were there (upper left quadrant) and we can both attest to a fakery! We were undercover doing research on this story and we know for sure Kim Jong-il was not there! Rather, some very crude photoshop work was used to slip in an old photo of him standing in front.

Let us now put this matter to rest.

Caddyshack Gopher Sells Out Hedgehogs

2008-12-30T17:46:00.016-06:00

Bushwood Country Club- The 18 hole golf course used in the 1980’s movie, Caddyshack, has been seized by the US Government, and is currently under investigation by the US Treasury Department & the Securities Exchange Commission (SEC).

Investigators have brought in Bushwood groundsman, Carl Spackler, to translate into English, the shocking statement given by the Gopher from the 5th hole. “According to the gopher,” Spackler starts, “the hedgehogs have been stashing money in the upper 9 since the late 90’s. The entire course up there is full of hedgehogs stashing credit losses deep under the fairways.” Carl interrupts,

“uhhh..I can concur with what the gopher says. The upper 9 are full of varmint poon-tang… from all over the world… flocking to the pools of paradise funds under the upper 9..Restricted…to only hedgehogs.. that’s what the gopher is saying, man.“

the Gopher continues…

“Hedgehogs are unscrupulous when it comes to manipulating money and real estate!” They moved in on Bushwood when Alan Greenspan endorsed sub-prime mortgage ARM’s for the entire course. The hedgehogs created underground networks to manipulate the value of the upper 9 holes of the course.

"It’s practically fund fun or fund of fund fun under every fairway. The hogs have created massive underground pools-and swim in all the money they stash between the hedges."

The Gopher pulls out a revised map of Bushwood’s underground sprinkler system—revealing a complex network of tunnels above the 8th hole that resemble the Paris Metro system.

Carl continues to interpret:

“uhhh….The Paulson Pool starts under the 9th hole, the funds flow through Johnny’s Advantage Plus Fund tunnel—then makes a 24% rate of return to the right and drops under the 11th hole sand trap. Then under the 10th green, where its mushy, that’s the beginning of the Jimmy Medallion Renaissance Pool, whose stash increased 58% pushing out Ye' Olde Atticus and Hermitage Funds stashed over by “the Citadel” right under the 12th tee. “

The Howardhogs call their pool Brevanville flowing perpendicular to the 13th fairway intersecting with the Clariums and Clives 14th and 15th all breeding profits that are currently straining the infrastructure of the course’s entire sprinkler system.

Certain parts of the hedgehog’s fund activity is NOT being reviewed by the Board of Directors at Bushwood Country Club. Bushwood Country Club clubhouse manager Lou Loomis speaks for the Club,

“Our hands are tied, these hedgehogs migrate to the Wild West for winter…Piss in all the pools and drink-up funds like fucking fish, then hit the links and trash the course—stashing toxic and sovereign funds in places where the sun don’t shine. “

Profiles of Holiday Alcoholics

2008-12-16T15:35:00.009-06:00

“Call it what you wanna call it, I’m a f*cking alcoholic.“
- Xzibit

Let’s face it, a major part of the Holiday Season is booze. Typical non-drinkers get toasted at the work party, drinkers revel in open bars at Company Christmas Parties and Alcoholics are powerless to the free flow of it. Alcoholics use the Holiday Season to fall off the wagon in the hopes of turning it around in the New Year. Add this to the stress of traveling and spending time with family…everyone’s getting wasted. JCO has made a little round up of the various types of Holiday Alky’s that you may run into this year at your Family Holiday Visit.

1. The Right –On Alky – This alky speaks mad truths with brutal honesty when wasted. His (or her) hostile and offensive delivery masks the truth and evokes defensiveness. Often not until the next morning is it obvious that The Right-On Alky has called it once again! F*ck him for being right!

2. The Crazy Shit-Talker Alky – This alky is often having a White Christmas if you know what I mean. Flurries. A snowball. S/he gets fired up with self-referential stories that don’t involve present company. Incites and tries to incite fears with paranoid shit talk and clinging to grandiose asshole points of view.

3. Outside in the Driveway Smoking Alky – When inside, this alky is grumbling and grunting in the corner. Often times this alky keeps booze in the trunk to act as a mini-bar in the drive way for the rotating gang that needs to “step outside and regroup”*. This group can be diverse: young angsty cousins who just picked up smoking, older alky cousins who are getting slowly absorbed into the first generation alky-clic, and opportunistic-only-smoke-while-drinking-alkies.

*this term can also be used for the family car ride where everybody comes back high.

4. Politico Alky – Pretty self-explanatory, this jerk comes on both sides of the aisle. Often woefully conservative or irritatingly liberal, this over-informed alky cannot be out done, and must have the last word. Has been known to seek refuge with the Driveway Smokers and take on characteristics of the Crazy Shit-Talker.

5. Recent Break –up Alky – This pathetic, annoying, inconsolable drunk should not be indulged. However, once they reach oblivion they should be cared for and, for a second or two, pitied. They are family after all. And breaking up sucks.

6. Recently in Love Alky – This annoying, gloating, self-centered drunk should not be indulged. Try to avoid close proximity.

7. Life-Hater Alky – This guy has gone to the dark side. It might be a Goth Teen, a Closeted Gay, an Unmarried Young “Spinster” or Drug Problems/DUI Guy. This alky may also be seen with the Driveway Smokers. They try to recruit other alkies to the Dark Side with extreme negativity and plenty of booze and “medication”. Try to avoid close proximity.

8. Old World Alky – This imported alky thinks chain-smoking while getting obliterated is acceptable in any household. Often this alky carries psychological scars from old wars in the old world. Skills in English decline throughout the night. The right thing to do here is to listen to one or two stories. After all, what do you know about war? This drunk successfully drives home.

This is a rough break down for all you JCO readers out there. We encourage submissions for further alky profiles.

People from the past wonder, Why is Everything so HARD to OPEN?!

2008-12-01T23:09:00.014-06:00

Recently JCO had the chance to interview some time travelers from 1985. They had two observations that really hit home for JCO, the first one being:

“Why is everything so fricking hard to open?”

TT1 - (Time Traveler #1)- Since my arrival in 2008 I purchased a children’s toy gun for $5.99. While walking with a two year old in my arms, I was attempting to open it and hand it to the 5yr old boy for which it was purchased.
I try and fail to open the cardboard tab and slide out the interior cardboard holding the gun. I realize that it is taped closed and this seemed a little extreme to me. After getting my keys out with one hand and holding the smaller child and the gun in the other hand I am able to use my keys to “cut” the tape open. OK. Here we are. I slide the gun out with its attached cardboard and try to pull the packaging away. No luck. Damn these are some strong rubber bands! One more try…nope…it doesn’t budge. OK. I have to stop, put down the baby and look at this thing. No less then 7 wire twisty-ties are lashing this 5 dollar gun to the backing. Give me a break!
I’m glad I didn’t buy it for him for Christmas. What a let down. A whole bunch of gifts you can’t even open.
JCO - Hahaha, welcome to the 21st Century. I recently bought a 3.99 cell phone headpiece to go with my new phone. I hopped in the car and started driving. I tried to pull it open. After clawing at the hermetically sealed package I pulled over. After some inspection I realized that I would need a box cutter.
Later, at home I was able to take my time and cut through all three layers of packaging. Plastic-cardboard-plastic again…

TT - It’s ridiculous!

Later our conversation brings us to the second point:

TT2 - What do you mean you can’t leave your kids in the car when you go shopping anymore?!? What are you supposed to do with them?!

JCO – It’s true. You can’t leave your kids in the car anymore, when you go into the store. Not even for a few minutes.

TT2 – It is really no ones business what I do with my kids!

TT3 - Why just yesterday I left my three kids in the car by themselves while I ran into the Piggly Wiggly. I was almost done shopping when I ran into my neighbor Marcy. We got to yapping and I have to say I forgot all about the kids. I didn’t even think to leave until the cart boy came by to tell me that the older one was beating the middle one while the baby was just wailing away in the front seat and honking the horn. Well, I rushed to check out and went out there and gave those kids a piece of my mind. Of course, that was before the move. It was back in 1985!

JCO: Well today if you did that some one would call the cops. You could be ticketed and arrested . Hell, you can’t even leave your dog in the car anymore. Did you know that?

TTs - (Collective gasps!)

If you wonder why these things are less shocking to you considering YOU WERE ALIVE IN 1985. I can explain. In two words

Compassion Fatigue.

Compassion Fatigue is defined as: a gradual lessening of compassion over time.

This term was coined in an effort to explain the apparent lack of any real or organized resistance of the German (European) Jewish Community in the years leading up to an including WWII. However, this brilliant term can be applied to many groups and in effect, everyone. Anyone whose compassion is slowly worn down can find themselves living in a world that just a few years earlier would have seemed incomprehensible.

Check back to hear the time travelers weigh in on other topics, such as, the demise of customer service, the sweeping bans on public smoking and maybe most shocking of all, a black president-elect.

What Were They Thinking? - USPS Gets Punked! I Get Offended!

2008-11-18T23:45:00.018-06:00

Someone pulled a fast one on the United States Postal Service.
Take a look at the new postcard stamps.

We will have these stamps as our only choice for postcards until the price of stamps goes up again. Which I guess won’t be too long, but still.
I find these stamps too graphic, as in pornographic. Overtly sexual. I was shocked when I saw them!

My Holiday postcards will be garnished (if you will) with a microscopic view of an STD.

An anal star fruit. "Star Fruit" is used as an endearing term for anus in gay porn.

Or any of these three tasty orifices. Of which I will spare you the comparison photos.

It is hard for JCO to comprehend how this imagery slipped under the radar of the USPS. Usually, I find the stamp options quite delightful. I have enjoyed Jim Henson's Muppets, artists' renditions of athletes and authors and collections by painters like Mary Cassatt. It is this previous careful curation that makes me think some smart guy over there is making a joke. Well, HAHA. JCO is not prude, but please understand, it’s postcard season!

Even people not educated in art history can identify the ability of fruit to express overtly sexual qualities. Food acts as a visual metaphor for sex in many art forms and even adopts its language, i.e., a sexual “appetite” or “hunger”. Food and sex are emotionally linked. Good food = good sex. And sex sells.

Indeed, we see fruit used sexually in advertisements and even in the Bible (Adam and Eve anyone).

USPS - thanks for ruining the carefully planned aesthetics of my Holiday postcards. How can I send one of those to my mom?

Public Enemy #1- Pirates of the Aden

2008-10-31T16:20:00.017-05:00

The Somali Pirates currently ravaging the Gulf of Aden are due to release a new “World Music" Rap album titled “Jolly Roger” Today!! October 31.

Inspired by American gangster rap of the early 90’s such as Ice-T, Eazy-E, NWA and Public Enemy

these pirates mix the desperation of political anarchy with the hope of organized crime. The music produced from the pirates' situation is edgy, yet complex, as these Somali pirates are naturally gifted polyphonic percussionists. –Rolling Stone

“MTV’s “Booty R&B” music videos are inspirational to Somali Pirates,” reports the group's leader 42-year-old Omad Hassan.

“My boys wed the most beautiful girls; they are building big houses; they have new cars; new guns. They are not criminals; they are only in it for the money. You see, the way we do piracy is socially acceptable, in fact, it has become fashionable. Once a pirate makes his fortune, he tends to take on a second and third wife renowned for her beauty- often a very young woman from a poor nomadic clan. This is just one example of how our piracy activities create upward mobility.”

“We do not see ourselves as pirates; more like...Coastguard,” confides one pirate as he takes off into the Gulf of Aden with his crew of homeys donning Kalashnikovs in a rowboat equipped with a 40 horsepower outboard engine.

“We are the New Jack Hustlers of 2008” chides another pirate. “The Pirate’s Booty” is soon to be an international music success. For one- we play our own drums...and we have international Navies paralyzed. This is bad-ass motherfucking bad! We learned from gangster rap and have innovated strategies.”

Just A Casual Observation has been given exclusive rights from the Pirate’s Music Agent at CAA to print the lyrics to “The Pirate’s Booty” fresh off the “Jolly Roger” Album debuting in stores Oct. 31, 2008.

Organized piracy never looked more like an R&B music video.

"The Pirate’s Booty"
Chew a litta khat
Smoke a litta hash
Goin’ out to sea
Which bitch w’gonna catch
Japanese cargo- Luxury liners
No fight to spread their legs
Petrochemicals coming from Saudi
Always same time of day.
Greek, French, German Freight
Big girls carrying NATO weight.

Her stern so wide
Gangstas in da Aden
climb up her backside
with a grappling hook and a ladder
so old school it couldn’t be badder
climbing up her big fat booty
penetratin the bitch and
takin her Looty
And some Hostages maybe
Ready..

NY Hip-Hoppers endorse Alexander Hamilton

2008-09-26T17:59:00.011-05:00

Alexander Hamilton-creator of the first 2 failed US central banks, is up and out of his Wall Street grave site at Trinity Church.

Just a Casual Observation witnessed Alexander Hamilton freestyle-rapping these exact words right outside of the Wall Street and Broadway Subway stairs..

The locals are calling him Hip-Hop Hammie--

"Hamilton is a bad-ass motherfucker.. he took a bullet in a dual.. and is layin it down bad...mad respet." commented his back up DJ. "Hammie's got a message..you gotta give 'em that."

Yo! ma man..can’t Believe this is happenin' Again!
You think posterity
would learn from the mistakes of history. …

Here’s a little story
‘bout where we get our money
U gotta say Hey!?
When the Fed says Nay
We got no more to Pay.

Check a little history
Discover funding mystery..
There’s gotta be a hook
To secret meetings
On the Wall..
Failing to
Balance books.
Give a second look
Smell there is a crook
Elite equity; Failed liquidity
Citizen Responsibilty?
Not the intention of
American Financial Invention?
European Central Bank History
Provides the source of
Government bonds
Relations
to Credit
Paper debt
and Inflation
Collapsing Failure
Mortgage assets
Not a new innovation
Or Monetary Situation
Familial Relations
Dictating Fiscal negotiations…

http://www.modernhistoryproject.org/mhp/ArticleDisplay.php?Article=WorldCh04

Scientists Discover Inside Black Hole Warp Antiquated Charts- Who "Owns" the Federal Reserve?

2008-09-23T19:11:00.012-05:00

Scientists around the world are currently trying to decipher "the warp charts" they claim were spit out of the black hole that sucked away all of Wall Streets Theoretical Funds.

"We cannot confirm the validity or truth of these charts until we compare them to records in Washington. However their seems to be a peculiar similarity in certain names. We will follow this towards a sensible hypothesis." one physicist explains.

"The coding is definately antiquated-deciphering will be quite a history lesson." another scientist claimed.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally Posted at:
http://www.save-a-patriot.org/files/view/whofed.html

Chart 1
Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence
Published 1976

Chart 1 reveals the linear connection between the Rothschilds and the Bank of England, and the London banking houses which ultimately control the Federal Reserve Banks through their stockholdings of bank stock and their subsidiary firms in New York. The two principal Rothschild representatives in New York, J. P. Morgan Co., and Kuhn,Loeb & Co. were the firms which set up the Jekyll Island Conference at which the Federal Reserve Act was drafted, who directed the subsequent successful campaign to have the plan enacted into law by Congress, and who purchased the controlling amounts of stock in the Federal Reserve Bank of New York in 1914. These firms had their principal officers appointed to the Federal Reserve Board of Governors and the Federal Advisory Council in 1914. In 1914 a few families (blood or business related) owning controlling stock in existing banks (such as in New York City) caused those banks to purchase controlling shares in the Federal Reserve regional banks. Examination of the charts and text in the House Banking Committee Staff Report of August, 1976 and the current stockholders list of the 12 regional Federal Reserve Banks show this same family control.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
N.M. Rothschild , London - Bank of England
______________________________________
| J. Henry Schroder
| Banking | Corp.
Brown, Shipley - Morgan Grenfell - Lazard - |
& Company & Company Brothers |
Alex Brown - Brown Bros. - Lord Mantagu - Morgan et Cie -- Lazard ---|
& Son | Harriman Norman | Paris Bros |
| | / | N.Y. |

| Governor, Bank | J.P. Morgan Co -- Lazard ---|
| of England / N.Y. Morgan Freres |
| 1924-1938 / Guaranty Co. Paris |
| / Morgan Stanley Co. | /
| / | \Schroder Bank
| / | Hamburg/Berlin
| / Drexel & Company /
| / Philadelphia /
| / /
| / Lord Airlie
| / /
| / M. M. Warburg Chmn J. Henry Schroder
| | Hamburg --------- marr. Virginia F. Ryan
| | | grand-daughter of Otto
| | | Kahn of Kuhn Loeb Co.
| | |
| | |
Lehman Brothers N.Y -------------- Kuhn Loeb Co. N. Y.
| | --------------------------
µ
| | | |
8
| | | |
Lehman Brothers - Mont. Alabama Solomon Loeb Abraham Kuhn
| | __|______________________|_________
Lehman-Stern, New Orleans Jacob Schiff/Theresa Loeb Nina Loeb/Paul Warburg
------------------------- | | |
| | Mortimer Schiff James Paul Warburg
_____________|_______________/ |
| | | | |
Mayer Lehman | Emmanuel Lehman \
| | | \
Herbert Lehman Irving Lehman \
| | | \
Arthur Lehman \ Phillip Lehman John Schiff/Edith Brevoort Baker
/ | Present Chairman Lehman Bros
/ Robert Owen Lehman Kuhn Loeb - Granddaughter of
/ | George F. Baker
| / Lehman Bros Kuhn Loeb (1980)
| / Thomas Fortune Ryan
Federal Reserve Bank Of New York |
|||||||| |
______National City Bank N. Y. |
| | |
| National Bank of Commerce N.Y ---|
| | \
| Hanover National Bank N.Y. \
| | \
| Chase National Bank N.Y. \
| |
| |
Shareholders - National City Bank - N.Y. |
----------------------------------------- |
| /
James Stillman /
Elsie m. William Rockefeller /
Isabel m. Percy Rockefeller /
William Rockefeller Shareholders - National Bank of Commerce N. Y.
J. P. Morgan -----------------------------------------------
M.T. Pyne Equitable Life - J.P. Morgan
Percy Pyne Mutual Life - J.P. Morgan
J.W. Sterling H.P. Davison - J. P. Morgan
NY Trust/NY Edison Mary W. Harriman
Shearman & Sterling A.D. Jiullard - North British Merc. Insurance
| Jacob Schiff
| Thomas F. Ryan
| Paul Warburg
| Levi P. Morton - Guaranty Trust - J. P. Morgan
|
|
Shareholders - First National Bank of N.Y.
-------------------------------------------
J.P. Morgan
George F. Baker
George F. Baker Jr.
Edith Brevoort Baker
US Congress - 1946-64
|
Shareholders - Hanover National Bank N.Y.
------------------------------------------
James Stillman
William Rockefeller
|
Shareholders - Chase National Bank N.Y.
---------------------------------------
George F. Baker
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chart 2
Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence
- Published 1983

The J. Henry Schroder Banking Company chart encompasses the entire history of the twentieth century, embracing as it does the program (Belgium Relief Commission) which provisioned Germany from 1915-1918 and dissuaded Germany from seeking peace in 1916; financing Hitler in 1933 so as to make a Second World War possible; backing the Presidential campaign of Herbert Hoover ; and even at the present time, having two of its major executives of its subsidiary firm, Bechtel Corporation serving as Secretary of Defense and Secretary of State in the Reagan Administration.

The head of the Bank of England since 1973, Sir Gordon Richardson, Governor of the Bank of England (controlled by the House of Rothschild) was chairman of J. Henry Schroder Wagg and Company of London from 1963-72, and director of J. Henry Schroder,New York and Schroder Banking Corporation,New York,as well as Lloyd's Bank of London, and Rolls Royce. He maintains a residence on Sutton Place in New York City, and as head of "The London Connection," can be said to be the single most influential banker in the world.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
J. Henry Schroder
-----------------
|
Baron Rudolph Von Schroder
Hamburg - 1858 - 1934
|
Baron Bruno Von Schroder
Hamburg - 1867 - 1940
F. C. Tiarks |
1874-1952 |
| |
marr. Emma Franziska |
(Hamburg) Helmut B. Schroder
J. Henry Schroder 1902 |
Dir. Bank of England |
Dir. Anglo-Iranian |
Oil Company J. Henry Schroder Banking Company N.Y.
|
|
J. Henry Schroder Trust Company N.Y.
__________________|____________________
| |
Allen Dulles John Foster Dulles
Sullivan & Cromwell Sullivan & Cromwell
Director - CIA U. S. Secretary of State
Rockefeller Foundation

Prentiss Gray
------------
Belgian Relief Comm. Lord Airlie
Chief Marine Transportation -----------
US Food Administration WW I Chairman; Virgina Fortune
Manati Sugar Co. American & Ryan daughter of Otto Kahn
British Continental Corp. of Kuhn,Loeb Co.
| |
| |
M. E. Rionda |
------------ |
Pres. Cuba Cane Sugar Co. |
Manati Sugar Co. many other |
sugar companies. _______|
| |
| |
G. A. Zabriskie |
--------------- | Emile Francoui
Chmn U.S. Sugar Equalization | --------------
Board 1917-18; Pres Empire | Belgian Relief Comm. Kai
Biscuit Co., Columbia Baking | Ping Coal Mines, Tientsin
Co. , Southern Baking Co. | Railroad,Congo Copper, La
| Banque Nationale de Belgique
Suite 2000 42 Broadway | N. Y |
__________________________|___________________________|_
| | |
| | |
Edgar Richard Julius H. Barnes Herbert Hoover
------------- ---------------- --------------
Belgium Relief Comm Belgium Relief Comm Chmn Belgium Relief Com
Amer Relief Comm Pres Grain Corp. U.S. Food Admin
U.S. Food Admin U.S. Food Admin Sec of Commerce 1924-28
1918-24, Hazeltine Corp. 1917-18, C.B Pitney Kaiping Coal Mines
| Bowes Corp, Manati Congo Copper, President
| Sugar Corp. U.S. 1928-32
|
John Lowery Simpson
-------------------
Sacramento,Calif Belgium Relief |
Comm. U. S. Food Administration Baron Kurt Von Schroder
Prentiss Gray Co. J. Henry Schroder -----------------------
Trust, Schroder-Rockefeller, Chmn Schroder Banking Corp. J.H. Stein
Fin Comm, Bechtel International Bankhaus (Hitler's personal bank
Co. Bechtel Co. (Casper Weinberger account) served on board of all
Sec of Defense, George P. Schultz German subsidiaries of ITT . Bank
Sec of State (Reagan Admin). for International Settlements,
| SS Senior Group Leader,Himmler's
| Circle of Friends (Nazi Fund),
| Deutsche Reichsbank,president
|
Schroder-Rockefeller & Co. , N.Y.
---------------------------------
Avery Rockefeller, J. Henry Schroder
Banking Corp., Bechtel Co., Bechtel
International Co. , Canadian Bechtel
Company. |
|
Gordon Richardson
-----------------
Governor, Bank of England
1973-PRESENT C.B. of J. Henry Schroder N.Y.
Schroder Banking Co., New York, Lloyds Bank
Rolls Royce
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chart 3
Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence
- Published 1976

The David Rockefeller chart shows the link between the Federal Reserve Bank of New York,Standard Oil of Indiana,General Motors and Allied Chemical Corportion (Eugene Meyer family) and Equitable Life (J. P. Morgan).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DAVID ROCKEFELLER
----------------------------
Chairman of the Board
Chase Manhattan Corp
______|_______________________
Chase Manhattan Corp. |
Officer & Director Interlocks|---------------------
------|----------------------- |
| |
Private Investment Co. for America Allied Chemicals Corp.
| |
Firestone Tire & Rubber Company General Motors
| |
Orion Multinational Services Ltd. Rockefeller Family & Associates
| |
ASARCO. Inc Chrysler Corp.
| |
Southern Peru Copper Corp. Intl' Basic Economy Corp.
| |
Industrial Minerva Mexico S.A. R.H. Macy & Co.
| |
Continental Corp. Selected Risk Investments S.A.
| |
Honeywell Inc. Omega Fund, Inc.
| |
Northwest Airlines, Inc. Squibb Corporation
| |
Northwestern Bell Telephone Co. Olin Foundation
| |
Minnesota Mining & Mfg Co (3M) Mutual Benefit Life Ins. Co. of NJ
| |
American Express Co. AT & T
| |
Hewlett Packard Pacific Northwestern Bell Co.
| |
FMC Corporation BeachviLime Ltd.
| |
Utah Intl' Inc. Eveleth Expansion Company
| |
Exxon Corporation Fidelity Union Bancorporation
| |
International Nickel/Canada Cypress Woods Corporation
| |
Federated Capital Corporation Intl' Minerals & Chemical Corp.
| |
Equitable Life Assurance Soc U.S. Burlington Industries
| |
Federated Dept Stores Wachovia Corporation
| |
General Electric Jefferson Pilot Corporation
| |
Scott Paper Co. R. J. Reynolds Industries Inc.
| |
American Petroleum Institute United States Steel Corp.
| |
Richardson Merril Inc. Metropolitan Life Insurance Co.
| |
May Department Stores Co. Norton-Simon Inc.
| |
Sperry Rand Corporation Stone-Webster Inc.
| |
San Salvador Development Company Standard Oil of Indiana
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chart 4
Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence
- Published 1976

This chart shows the interlocks between the Federal Reserve Bank of New York J. Henry Schroder Banking Corp., J. Henry Schroder Trust Co., Rockefeller Center, Inc., Equitable Life Assurance Society ( J.P. Morgan), and the Federal Reserve Bank of Boston.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alan Pifer, President
Carnegie Corporation
of New York
----------------------
Carnegie Corporation
Trustee Interlocks --------------------------
| |
Rockefeller Center, Inc J. Henry Schroder Trust Company
| |
The Cabot Corporation Paul Revere Investors, Inc.
| |
Federal Reserve Bank of Boston Qualpeco, Inc.
|
Owens Corning Fiberglas
|
New England Telephone Co.
|
Fisher Scientific Company
|
Mellon National Corporation
|
Equitable Life Assurance Society
|
Twentieth Century Fox Corporation
|
J. Henry Schroder Banking Corporation
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chart 5
Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence
- Published 1976

This chart shows the link between the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, Brown Brothers Harriman,Sun Life Assurance Co. (N.M. Rothschild and Sons), and the Rockefeller Foundation.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maurice F. Granville
Chairman of The Board
Texaco Incorporated
----------------------
Texaco Officer & Director Interlocks ---------------- Liggett & Myers, Inc.
------------------------------------ |
L Arabian American Oil Company St John d'el Ray Mining Co. Ltd.
O | |
N Brown Brothers Harriman & Co. National Steel Corporation
D | |
O Brown Harriman & Intl' Banks Ltd. Massey-Ferguson Ltd.
N | |
American Express Mutual Life Insurance Co.
| |
N. American Express Intl' Banking Corp. Mass Mutual Income Investors Inc.
M. | |
Anaconda United Services Life Ins. Co.
R | |
O Rockefeller Foundation Fairchild Industries
T | |
H Owens-Corning Fiberglas Blount, Inc.
S | |
C National City Bank (Cleveland) William Wrigley Jr. Co
H | |
I Sun Life Assurance Co. National Blvd. Bank of Chicago
L | |
D General Reinsurance Lykes Youngstown Corporation
| |
General Electric (NBC) Inmount Corporation

** Source: Federal Reserve Directors: A Study of Corporate and Banking Influence. Staff Report,Committee on Banking,Currency and Housing, House of Representatives, 94th Congress, 2nd Session, August 1976.

Original Chart found HERE

Wall Street’s Theoretical Money Consumed by Large Hadron Collider?

2008-09-21T14:27:00.010-05:00

US Treasury Chairman Hank Paulson, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, and US Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi emerged from the emergency Congressional meeting last Thursday 9/18/08 -regarding the economy’s “death spiral”- with true fear and confusion on their faces.

“This truly marks an unprecedented time in the capital markets, we will join non-partisan forces to carry out Mr. Paulson’s Proposal, ”repeated government officials.

Just a Casual Observation proposes the unprecedented government bailout of private investment banking in America- (Out of Failure-or for Power?) has its origins in a quiet but violent battle between…

Theoretical Nuclear Physicists- working for decades on the Large Hadron Collider and...
Theoretical Financial Mathematicians -working for decades in Wall Street Financial Institutions.

According to insiders outside of Capitol Hill, the Physicists sent Paulson & Bernanke a ransom note---totally unprecedented:

The game is up with your theoretical mortgage backed securities. The Large Hadron Collider’s proton rays have created black holes in the universe that sucked all the theoretical money on the planet into a toxic debt “Bucket.” Yes, we liken this fallout from your foolish reckless mortgage inventions to the 1986 meltdown of Reactor 4 at Chernobyl. Toxic radioactive debt permeating the financial atmosphere-- thanks to the black holes of the Large Hadron Collider, all the bogus value in the global mortgage markets has been sucked into another dimension.

Vanished! Lehman Brothers, AIG, Merrill Lynch, Collateralized Debt Obligations, Sub-prime lending, asset-backed paper, mortgage-backed securities, over-inflated stock values and credit default swaps. Yes, we at CERN saw our Large Hadron Collider access the financial markets at the speed of light-and almost obliterated Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs.

Physicists around the world are partying way underground. “Nuclear physicists have been working for decades on the Large Hadron Collider…and on our Big Opening Day we get upstaged by another Wall Street market crisis? Our discovery is way more profound!..AND Our Lingo is just as complicated, esoteric and indecipherable.”

Atheists Rejoice as the New Large Hadron Collider Searches for Proof of a Great and Mystical Force in the World (NOT God)

2008-09-17T20:37:00.010-05:00

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) is the worlds largest particle smasher. The collider is contained in a circular tunnel, with a circumference of 17 miles, at a depth ranging from 50 to 175 yards underground. It is located in Europe crossing the border between Switzerland and France at four points. The launching of this new suped-up smasher on September 8th was viewed around the globe by dorky physicists and expectant atheists alike. The first high-energy collisions are expected to take place after 6-8 weeks.

The job of the LHC is to discover the Higgs Boson. The Higg’s Boson could help explain how matter has mass and even more exciting, may offer a glimpse of the existence and shapes of extra dimensions! Extra dimensions are a prediction of String Theory, a model of the universe popular among some scientists that describes nature’s fundamental particles as tiny vibrating threads of energy.(1) Another name for the Higg’s Boson is the “God particle”, much to the chagrin of its namesake, Peter Higgs, who is himself, a staunch atheist.

Eager physicists brushed off suggestions that the experiment could create tiny black holes that could suck in the planet. In short, senior scientist in high-energy physics, Ren- Yuan Zhu said it best, "This is a dream coming true for all particle physicists in the world!"

Cody O., a local atheist has agreed to talk to JCO about the LHC. At his request I am withholding his last name.

JCO: Mr.O, what was your feeling when you first heard that funding for the LHC had gone through?

Mr.O: Finally! We will know if there is something to this Déjà Vu and Sixth Sense business. I mean, don’t get me wrong. There may be larger forces at work in the universe. We just don’t know yet for sure. We need proof one way or the other.
I mean, we know for sure that there is nothing to this god concept. It's just a man made coping mechanism for the weak-minded masses. No facts, no proof. However, I have to admit, for years we have had troubling unanswered questions form our agnostic/spiritualist set.

JCO: Such as?

Mr. O: Do I believe in a sixth sense?
My answer is,
It’s possible.
It has not been proven one way or another.

JCO: Have you ever had the feeling of Déjà vu?

Mr. O: Well, it’s possible that I have had that feeling. And if String Theory is proven once and for all we can have the explanation for it.

JCO: Ok, if it is not proven, then how can feelings like that be explained?

Mr. O: Well, I think you are confusing the issue. You want to trip me up, to say that something, some “power” is out there. My answer is a firm MAYBE.
Faith = Fact
In my world and we just don’t have the science to say one way or the other. Anytime between a year and four years, depending on how difficult this new physics is to find, we will have our answer.

A theoretical physicists at Caltech said the odds of finding the Higgs Boson is 90%, though Steven Hawking has remained skeptical and has taken out a $100 bet that it will not be found.

Good Luck Mr.O!

1. String theory strongly suggests that spacetime has eleven dimensions,[2] as opposed to the usual three space and one time, but the theory can easily describe universes with four observable spacetime dimensions as well.
^ Polchinski, Joseph (1998). String Theory, Cambridge University Press.

THE WALL STREET WEEKEND BAIL-OUT SALE!

2008-09-13T17:10:00.032-05:00

In honor of the victims of September 11th and the nationalization of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, Wall Street is hosting:

THE WALL STREET WEEKEND BAIL-OUT SALE!

Come and buy while the discount window is open! This Saturday and Sunday Only!

Investment and Commercial Banks at Blowout Prices!!!

LEHMAN BROTHERS- $3.56 a share!! SALE!!! 95% OFF SALE!!!!
Lowest Sale Price in 158 Years!!!
Retail Price $67.73 on 11/14/07

-“The Lehman Brothers are ... obviously having issues.”-Reuters
-“All that “naked short selling” is catching up with the Lehman Brothers.” -Financial Times
LEHMAN'S CLOSEOUT SALE PRICE $3.56!!!! MUST LIQUIDATE!!!

WASHINGTON MUTUAL- $1.94 for a share!!! CUT TO JUNK ON 9/11!! 96% OFF!!!
A fragment of this Commercial Bank ON SALE FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY
Retail Price: $39.25 on 9/19/07

“WaMu, the largest U.S. savings and loan, projected a $4.5 billion third-quarter increase in reserves for bad loans but said it has more than enough capital. Being called the sacrificial lamb of 9/11 on Wall Street, Moody's cut the Seattle-based thrift's unsecured debt rating to a Ba2 from a Baa3 its second-highest "JUNK" grade. "-Reuters
WASHINGTON MUTUAL CUT TO 96% JUNK!!

AIG - (American Int’l Group)- $12.54 a share !!! 83% OFF!!!!
“(Asian) Central bank governors are embarrassed at being caught holding this paper.”
Retail Price: $70.13 on 10/9/07

AIG, the insurance giant in the debt markets, took rapid plunge during the week of 9/11. The price of shares fell more than 30% on Friday 9/12/08 alone. A portfolio manager at AIG Sun America Asset Management, voiced the attitude of Asian central banks,
“(Asian) Central bank governors are embarrassed at being caught holding this paper. The over-riding mandate of a central bank is to hold liquid assets-- and the risk of being unable to sell a large amount of agency paper has become more apparent”- Reuters 9/11/08
AIG- 83% OFF FOR LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!

WACHOVIA - $13.78 a share - 74% OFF THIS WEEKEND!!!
Retail Price: $53.10 on 9/19/07

“Wachovia is among the banks hit hardest by the housing crisis, as it tries to manage mounting losses tied to its $122 billion portfolio of risky Pick-A-Payment loans, which let borrowers skip some payments.”-tradernews.com
WACHOVIA SHARES ON SALE 74%!!!!

MERRILL LYNCH- $19.86 – ON SALE NOW!! 75% OFF!!!
“Our firm sold the last of its Merrill shares on Thursday.”
Retail Price: $78.66 on 9/19/07

"I think the market's saying that if Lehman is going to go away and there were to be a domino effect- then next up is Merrill Lynch.” predicts a Wall Street equities analyst.
BUY NOW AT 75% OFF!!!! MERRILL LYNCH!!!

Appendix A – Banks that Hit Highest Share Price on September 19, 2007:
Morgan Stanley- $37.04/ $69.87 YrHi 9/19/07
Wells Fargo- $32.58/ $37.99 YrHi 9/19/07
Merrill Lynch- $19.86/ $78.66 YrHi 9/19/07
Citigroup- $17.88/ $49.00 YrHi 9/19/07
Wachovia- $13.78/ $53.10 YrHi 9/19/07
Washington Mutual- $1.94/ $39.25 YrHi 9/19/07

Appendix B – Banks with Lifeboats:
Goldman Sachs- $152.74 / $250.70 YrHi 10/31/07
JP Morgan Chase- $39.55 / $49.95 YrHi 5/2/08
Morgan Stanley- $37.04 / $69.87 YrHi 9/19/07
Wells Fargo- $32.58 / $37.99 YrHi 9/19/07
Bank of America- $31.70 / $52.96 YrHi 10/11/07

US Department of Treasury Considering “Freddie Mac Sandwich” Venture With McDonald’s

2008-09-13T00:21:00.008-05:00

In a radical departure from conventional debt recovery, US Treasury consultants are suggesting the American public can consume Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac's multi-billion dollar deficit by introducing the Freddie Mac Sandwich at McDonald’s. All the money from the Freddie Mac Sandwich goes directly towards paying back all the real estate mortgage defaults.

The tasty debt fighter will be similar to a Big Mac, but since it will be a government issued sandwich, it will have only One-all-beef patty-no warm and friendly grin- lettuce, onion, pickle, (Freddie Mac I’m back Again!) special sauce, slice of cheese, the Freddie Mac will be a healthy alternative to gross overeating while chewing away at the national debt. Nobody…can do it…like the Freddie Mac can~!

Freddie Mac - Now:$0.46 Was:$65.88 on October 4, 2007
Fannie Mae - Now:$0.77 Was:$68.60 on October 4, 2007

Vladimir Putin Saves TV Crew From Escaped Tiger!!

2008-09-05T18:07:00.010-05:00

Russians are lauding Prime Minister Vladimir Putin after he reportedly saved scientists and a film crew from a huge escaped tiger in the Russian Far East. The tiger was no match for the judo champion and former KGB agent with a tranquilizer rifle.

In an act of bravery that could (almost) be made for TV, Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin saved a Russian film crew from an enormous escaped tiger in eastern Russia Sunday, adding yet another set of images to his cultivated portfolio of manliness.

The incident took place in a national park in Russia's Far East, where Putin was visiting a team of scientists involved in a conservation project to save the endangered Amur tiger, the world's largest cat, which can reach lengths of 10 feet (three meters) from head to tail.

"We probably came too close to her," said Violetta Sergeyeva, a film director from Rossiya, Russia's main television station. "She suddenly got loose and rushed us. A miracle saved us."

That miracle happened to be Vladimir Putin, who -- clad in camouflage fatigues and desert combat boots -- availed himself of a tranquilizer rifle and found his mark. After sedating the beast, Putin went on to assist the scientists as they measured the tiger's enormous canine fangs and fitted a satellite transmitter around its neck.
-SPIEGELONLINE, zeitgeist

Americans need to know which of the Presidential candidates will be able to compete and negotiate with Russia and Vladimir Putin. It has been suggested by the World Wildlife Foundation (WWF) that John McCain and Barack Obama should be put to an equivalency test. The candidates should be given a traquilizer rifle and roam an Alaskan forest where an Amur Tiger is on the loose. The man who can tame the tiger, will be best suited to negotiate with the Russians-and Putin.

The "Tiger-Taming Test" would reveal to the American Public which candidate has the winning tactic in global affairs:
the young confidence and agile thinking of Barack Obama or the military hero with generations of experience which is John McCain. It would be so interesting to see how each candidate's strategy would play out against a real Tiger! Both the Democratic and Republican Parties are in agreement. If implemented as a debate in the 2008 election, the Tiger-Taming Test might not be televised.

Ladies and Gentlemen – the Bus Drivers of America

2008-09-02T21:48:00.011-05:00

Ten Casual Observations for a new school year!
Your child’s bus driver may be just an anonymous person in your day-to-day life, but take some time and get to know them.
Driving a bus is NOT and easy task. A typical school bus is 40 FEET LONG and holds between 66 and 90 children. Picture yourself navigating a 40 foot stick shift vehicle through morning AND evening rush hour. No radio, no comfy seat adjustments or targeted Air Conditioning. Just you and the monster, and the traffic, AND
85 middle schoolers.

Sounds like a nightmare, right?

It is no wonder drivers occasionally take things a bit over the line while attempting to keep order:

1. Bus driver charged after taping children's mouths shut.
Greenwood County deputies have charged a bus driver with eight counts of cruelty to children after she admitted she taped their mouths shut with duct tape after they misbehaved. Investigators say 35-year-old Helen Curry told them she gave the children a choice of putting on the tape or being written up for bad behavior.
2. Substitute bus driver slaps and chokes teen.
According to Charlotte County sheriff's reports, the fight happened last Tuesday afternoon when the driver tried to put a seat belt on an unruly child who refused to wear it. He then told the boy to sit up front, but the boy refused. When the driver walked to the back of the bus, the boys older brother got in his way and cursed at him. The driver then slapped the brother in the face and grabbed his throat, the video shows. The brother is then seen on the video as pushing and punching the 66-year-old bus driver.

Add to the equation that drivers are not paid very well, median salary is $30.000 a year, and it is no wonder they look for money on the side:

3. 27 school bus drivers were among fifty-six government employees - including a police officer, a felony court clerk, two corrections officers - who were arrested in a scam that used health insurance information to fraudulently obtain prescriptions for the painkiller OxyContin.

4. Bus Driver Union Leader Jailed For Racketeering. Salvator Battaglia, aka “Hotdogs,” former president of Local 1181 of the Amalgamated Transit Union was sentenced Thursday in U.S. District Court to 57 months in prison.

5. A Dayton school bus driver sold a kilogram of cocaine to an undercover police officer. Paul Harrington Jr. sold investigators 2.2 pounds of cocaine. Harrington has been charged with trafficking drugs, possession of cocaine and possession of criminal tools.

The glamor and high pay bring all kinds of candidates out of the woodwork for this job, especially pervs.

6. Former school bus driver gets 30 years in prison for lewd battery on schoolgirl.

7. KCK school-bus driver accused of sexual misconduct with kid. A bus driver for the Kansas City, Kan., School District has been I with sexual misconduct involving a child. The prosecuting attorney charged Edward Allan Lawrentiew, 57, last week with sexual misconduct involving a child less than 14 years old. He also faces two counts of possession of a controlled substance. All three charges are felonies.

8. Creepy Kentucky bus driver arrested. Bus driver accused of using MySpace to lure teen: 46-year-old Gary L. Clark of Morehead, Kentucky Police said he solicited the boy to meet him Saturday and allegedly coerced him into getting into his vehicle. There, “inappropriate actions” occurred, but police declined to elaborate. The victim was not one of the kids that rode his bus.

9. Bus driver sentenced for having child porn. The Lane Transit District worker will serve four years and three months in prison. He was sentenced Wednesday to four years and three months in federal prison for possessing child pornography that he traded on the Internet.

10. A Jersey City bus driver charged with sexual battery. While transporting developmentally disabled adults to school today she was arrested in Bergen County on charges she instructed a female passenger to touch the genitals of a male passenger.

Please keep these Ten Casual Observations in mind with the start of the new school year.

Ask little Johnny and Jane,
Did the driver get you to school on time?
Did he or she touch you in a private spot or ask for your Myspace name?
Did the driver try to sell you OxyContin?

Chinese Trade Secrets Uncovered – US Exports are “Built to Break”

2008-08-30T11:53:00.012-05:00

The Olympic Games in Beijing brought China into a media pre-eminence that reportedly has infuriated many of the“Chinese-Free Trade Militias” residing in reportedly 37 out of 50 US States.

“We have a lot of areas on the map on the verge of civilian rebellion,” claims 2nd Lt. Reggie Lewis “Our job is to make sure people do not boycott Chinese goods. My troop is on high alert in the California neighborhoods where houses are being foreclosed. We’ve been briefed that a majority of US manufacturing jobs and companies vanished from the American continent and mysteriously re-emerged in China…and …we are instructed to protect the public from 2 imminent threats: Vanishing and reappearing in a Chinese factory, and enforcing resentment-free purchasing of low-quality Chinese goods-Built to Break.“

The rise in “China-Free Trade” vigilante groups over the last 2 weeks has Pentagon officials, “consulting many meetings in small rooms,” insiders say. “There is much concern over Grassroots Movements that have been popping up in front of shopping malls across the nation distributing pamphlets titled: “How to Make Your Own Clothes and Grow Your Own Food”

Pamphlets have been confiscated by Westfield Mall Security in New York, Chicago, Minneapolis, St. Louis, Nashville, Atlanta, Charlotte, Tampa, Dallas, Denver, Phoenix, Las Vegas. San Diego, Portland and Seattle. All the pamphlets appear to come from a unified organization. Just a Casual Observation has been given special access to the Classified Vigilantes’ Platform:

1. Purchasing goods “Made in China” is analogous to an American endorsement of:
At worst Chinese slavery, and At best Chinese indentured servitude.

2. Children’s toys Made in China are poorly constructed and often tainted with lead. With all the increased security and metal detectors at the airports, how are these products getting into the United States?

3. The Ports of Hong Kong and Shanghai have been reported to be the largest distributors of illegal exports and illicit trade in all forms.

4. Have civilians been given adequate defense against the Chinese goods aggressively and uncontrollably flooding US markets from all possible directions? If so, do share..

5. Chinese Goods are “Made to Break” so Americans continually buy new things to replace the broken disposable items.

6. Awareness that a product has been “Made in China” most often occurs upon product malfunction. This pamphlet is suggesting that may be a little too late.

7. Chinese clothing is made to be worn and washed 4 times before falling apart in some way. A breakdown can be expected in Chinese-made garments after 72 hours of cumulative use. Wearers of Chinese goods should prepare for lost or damaged ornamentation, broken hems and seams, and highly compromised zippers and shoulder straps.

8. Zippers on Chinese goods may never consistently work. Luggage zippers last on average- 3 domestic journeys, or one round-trip international flight, before snapping or snagging in some inconvenient way.

9. The poor construction of Chinese factory-made goods and clothing (not to be confused with Hong Kong Master Tailors and Artisans) eventually require the American to have a Master Tailor on Retainer.

10. The other alternative currently available is to explore by ourselves how to fix our broken seams and busted chair legs. This desire to fix and possibly improve upon our broken sub-standard goods is the source of our inspiration to spearhead this New Radical American Agenda:

11. Make Your Own Things and Grow Your Own Food!!

12. Wall Street economists recently released figures that Chinese clothing isn’t actually cheaper for consumers over a 3 month interval-when the price for imminent repair is figured into the products’ discount rate.

Mall security across the nation will be on High Alert for persons or parties who possess the opinions as stated above regarding Chinese Trade’s effect on the American Economy.

Glossary:

Pre-eminence –Noun: Excelling above others especially in a particular quality; surpassing; Synonym- DOMINANT

Imminent- Adjective: Likely to happen without delay; impending; threatening; said of danger, evil, misfortune

Open Letter to Stephen Colbert and his Colbert Nation

2008-08-25T19:42:00.010-05:00

To Whom It May Concern:

Please accept this document as a written demand letter from ourselves. We, Jill Jeannides and Melissa Weimer (hereinafter referred to collectively as “the claimants”), the sole creators, administrators, owners and distributors of the notorious online blog Just A Casual Observation .com (hereinafter referred to as “JCO”), write to you today in order to protect our (possibly silly, potentially non-legally binding) interests in JCO material.

You may have frightened off our shyster lawyer with your fancy legal mumbo jumbo online submission waiver, however, we are not deterred. Our claims are as follows:

(1.) Yes, we willfully and regrettably do admit that Claimant Jeannides did submit your waiver online with claimants’ submission material (hereinafter referred to as “JCO material”) through The Colbert Report website.

(2.) However, we argue that this waiver is in no way valid. Claimant Jeannides is very blonde and busty, and your waiver’s lengthy legalese confused her unnecessarily.

(3.) Claimant Jeannides’s urge to contact you with the brilliant (fact, not opinion) JCO material was so strong, she had no choice but to agree to your unconscionable contract. Therefore, we, the claimants, propose to throw out this waiver as nonbinding.

(4.) It has been brought to the attention of the claimants that The Colbert Report has aired material strikingly similar to the following topics/articles published on the JCO Blog.

(a) Sub-prime Mortgage Crisis : Press Protects America From Scathing International Opinion
(b) ADHD – Surveillance Camera’s Reduce Attention Deficit
(c) Iraq/Babylon – Western Civilization Class Has Revelation
(d) PETA – Vegetables Suffer As Much As Animals
(e) Thong Sandals – Evidence Everywhere: God Approves of Thong Sandals
(f) San Diego- Exclusive Interview with San Diego!!
(g) Detroit- DETROIT: French Buyout Considered
(h) Jesse Jackson/Obama Ball Chop- Reverend Jesse Jackson Projecting His Own Lack of Any Real Balls?

(5.) Results from Dial Testing Research shows that segments of the Colbert Report inspired by Just A Casual Observation evoke a hyperreal awareness and intent to view further episodes of The Colbert Report.

(6.) We, the claimants, feel cheated and heartbroken. Especially because we are of the female variety and are very demanding, we demand to be reciprocated.
We demand the following from The Colbert Report and Central Productions:

(a.) The Colbert Report will cease and desist from appropriating any further laughter resulting from Just a Casual Observation;

(b.) The Colbert Report will issue a written apology for these already stolen laughs on its website and issue a verbal apology on its show; AND

(c.) The Colbert Report WILL INVITE THE CLAIMANTS to be live guests on the program to showcase their brilliance, hilarity and physical hotness, as is their due.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

Sincerely,

Jill Jeannides and Melissa Weimer

By reading this demand letter, The Colbert Report and Central Productions LLC hereby agree to all of its terms and conditions contained herein. All rights reserved by Just a Casual Observation © 2008.

KGB Issues Top 11 Mentality Differences Between Russians And Americans

2008-08-23T13:48:00.012-05:00

The KGB and The US Department of Homeland Security released a statement to Just A Casual Observation in lieu of Russia’s sneaky invasion of Georgia…. confusing Americans during the Olympic Games by invading a Caucasus country sharing the name of once US deep south Caucasian-ruled State of Georgia.

Georgia, United States- Once the capital of the Confederacy, is now best known for its Peaches.
Georgia, Caucasus Region- Ex-soviet Republic- is now best known for its strategic capabilities: Mediterranean Port- Oil Pipelines...Northern entrance point for Russia into Iraq and Iran.

What happened to Russia winning Olympic Gold Medals?

Russia Changed their Strategy. They are thinking Big…

“We are not interested in small change like puny Olympic Gold medals… platinum metal mines and oil lines trump any sort of international athletic victory. All these years of dominating Olympic Sports has been a KGB Strategy to distract the World from our Real Intentions- which have nothing to do with succeeding in athletic competitions…we were simply flexing our muscles to the world, ” admits unsmiling Kremlin liaison Alexei Borovsky.

“In true Russian character, we have no remorse in defeating an opponent with physical strength, iron will, and a mastery of strategy. The Georgian invasion was so easy Our Troops Are Bored. This is why we are releasing the Top 11 List. Russian Troop Performance could suffer if they do not get more resistance in future invasions. We have rockets we can’t even fire! What a Waste of Potential!” informs Ilya Kuznetsov Russian Tank commander during the recent takeover of South Ossetia region.

Igor Blatnovitch a senior official comments in sly Russian wordplay, “We have many, many….many Russians in the United States. You Americans might call it espionage, we in the East- prefer to call it “Intelligence.” Because we see Americans are at such a disadvantage when it comes to figuring out Russian Intelligence….

KGB Issues Top 11
Mentality Differences Between Russians and Americans

#11
RUSSIANS: Superior Liars
AMERICANS: Superior Lawyers

#10

RUSSIANS: Want Ex-Soviet Republics Back
AMERICANS: Have no clue which countries are Ex-Soviet Republics

#9

RUSSIANS: Famine Survivors: Little Food for Overeating
AMERICANS: Surplus of Processed Foods and Consumer Culture Creates Society of Obese Overeaters

#8

RUSSIANS: Primitive Medical Technology yields:
2 Types of Russian: 1. Strong 2. Dead
AMERCIANS: Advanced Medical Technology preserves and sustains:
2 types of American: 1. Physically Weak 2. Physically Ill

#7

RUSSIANS: Education System :
Booming in Fields of: Advanced Math & Science
AMERICANS: Education System :
Booming in Fields of Special Education & Autism

#6

RUSSIANS: Love things Nuclear: Pollute Wherever Necessary
AMERICANS: Afraid of things Nuclear: Follow Green Eco-Policy

#5

RUSSIANS: Religious Revival Currently Used as Political Tool
AMERICANS: Religious Bashing Currently Used as Political Tool

#4

RUSSIANS: Intensity with Intention
AMERICANS: Intensity purposely lacking Intention

#3

RUSSIANS: Drink! Nostarovya! (to your Health)
AMERICANS: Drink! Binge! (to have Fun…and Puke soon thereafter)

#2

RUSSIANS: Acquiring International Oil Pipelines & Steel Mills
AMERICANS: Acquiring Olympic Gold Medals

#1

RUSSIANS: Why Smile? What’s So Funny?
AMERICANS: That’s So Funny! (Smile) Ha Ha Ha Haaaaa!!!

31 Years Later- Ghost of Howard Beale Seen on Flatscreen!!

2008-08-02T17:42:00.002-05:00

After 31 Years-the Words of Howard Beale-Notorious Newsanchor of Paddy Chayefsky’s 1977 Film “Network” provoke stunning epiphanies into American Culture.

Bealism-a new movement spurring out of Seattle rivals Scientology and believes the prophecies of Howard Beale led to the Gosphel of Media Truth Revealed by Chayevsky’s Media Mogul Character- Arthur Jensen.

“These passages in Paddy’s “Network” script of 1976 reveal the truth of our time. A simple story, written by a visionary, has managed to name circumstances that are still relevant 30+ years later. That’s more than I can say for L. Ron Hubbard’s rubbish.” claim ardent Bealists’ Ben Silver and Patricia Nottingham.

According to the scripture, Howard’s Beale’s apparition appears after reading the following passages from Chayevsky’s “Network” Script…

Just A Casual Observation has been given special permission by Beale International Ministries to reveal:

The Howard Beale Prophecy:

Howard Beale: 'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it:
Howard Beale: [screaming at the top of his lungs] "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's work, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad.
Howard Beale: [shouting] You've got to say, 'I'm a HUMAN BEING, Goddamnit! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window. Open it, and stick your head out, and yell,
[shouting]
'I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right now, sit up, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to change. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Then we'll figure out what to do about the depression and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first get up out of your chairs, open the window, stick your head out, and yell, and say it:
Howard Beale: [screaming at the top of his lungs] "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

Howard Beale: Right now, there is a whole, an entire generation that never knew anything that didn't come out of this tube. This tube is the gospel, the ultimate revelation; this tube can make or break presidents, popes, prime ministers; this tube is the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, and woe is us if it ever falls into the hands of the wrong people, and that's why woe is us that Edward George Ruddy died. Because this company is now in the hands of CCA, the Communications Corporation of America; there's a new chairman of the board, a man called Frank Hackett, sitting in Mr. Ruddy's office on the twentieth floor. And when the 12th largest company in the world controls the most awesome goddamn propaganda force in the whole godless world, who knows what shit will be peddled for truth on this network?
Howard Beale: We'll tell you anything you want to hear, we lie like hell.

Howard Beale: You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal. You do. Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion.

THE REBEL BEALE PROVOKES THE GOSPEL OF ARTHUR JENSEN:

Arthur Jensen: [shouting] You have meddled with the primal forces of nature, Mr. Beale, and I won't have it! Is that clear? You think you've merely stopped a business deal. That is not the case! The Arabs have taken billions of dollars out of this country, and now they must put it back! It is ebb and flow, tidal gravity! It is ecological balance! You are an old man who thinks in terms of nations and peoples. There are no nations. There are no peoples. There are no Russians. There are no Arabs. There are no third worlds. There is no West. There is only one holistic system of systems, one vast and immane, interwoven, interacting, multivariate, multinational dominion of dollars. Petro-dollars, electro-dollars, multi-dollars, reichmarks, rins, rubles, pounds, and shekels. It is the international system of currency which determines the totality of life on this planet. That is the natural order of things today. That is the atomic and subatomic and galactic structure of things today! And YOU have meddled with the primal forces of nature, and YOU...WILL...ATONE!
Arthur Jensen: [calmly] Am I getting through to you, Mr. Beale? You get up on your little twenty-one inch screen and howl about America and democracy. There is no America. There is no democracy. There is only IBM, and ITT, and AT&T, and DuPont, Dow, Union Carbide, and Exxon. Those *are* the nations of the world today. What do you think the Russians talk about in their councils of state, Karl Marx? They get out their linear programming charts, statistical decision theories, mini-max solutions, and compute the price-cost probabilities of their transactions and investments, just like we do. We no longer live in a world of nations and ideologies, Mr. Beale. The world is a college of corporations, inexorably determined by the immutable bylaws of business. The world is a business, Mr. Beale. It has been since man crawled out of the slime. And our children will live, Mr. Beale, to see that . . . perfect world . . . in which there's no war or famine, oppression or brutality. One vast and ecumenical holding company, for whom all men will work to serve a common profit, in which all men will hold a share of stock. All necessities provided, all anxieties tranquilized, all boredom amused. And I have chosen you, Mr. Beale, to preach this evangel.

Howard Beale: Why me?

Arthur Jensen: Because you're on television, dummy. Sixty million people watch you every night of the week, Monday through Friday.

Howard Beale: I have seen the face of God.

Arthur Jensen: You just might be right, Mr. Beale.

Attention Females! Quickest Way to Ugly: BLACK NAIL POLISH

2008-07-27T13:41:00.004-05:00

Los Angeles: Looking COOL and looking UGLY has reached new heights of popular acceptance in Women’s Nail Polish—the widespread use of Black Nail Polish on non-punk rocker finger and toenails… is ugly, pessimistic and well… Totally Poser on a Mom pushing a stroller or picking her kids up in her Lexus from private school.. and her daughter…who she paid to have a manicure.. has chipped black paint on her fingers…

Reminds me of a Cheer:

U-G-L-Y
You ain’t got no alibi
You Ugly
You Ugly
(You picked a nasty color for woman’s nails)

Black Nail polish… on one level, a fashion statement with less than optimistic connotations (straight up- it looks like Death). On a second level, black paint on the fingers has a past association with punk culture, KISS and the gamete of death rockers who in the past wore Black Nailpolish to look BADASS.. Now the rockers have no color to wear.. they are deliberating over Blood Red (How lively)..

Reality Check: Rich moms in their black toes and their daughters can wear chipped black nailpolish for the next 3 years… they will never achieve the “Rocker Badass Look” (they are going for) with the ugly statement of Nail Color alone..

Reverend Jesse Jackson Projecting Onto Obama His Own Lack of Any Real Balls?

2008-07-13T23:17:00.019-05:00

From Hymietown* to the "Castration Chop” will this Blow-hard ever learn?

Amazingly Rev. Jackson (RJJ) is NOT finding it hard to keep talking despite having his foot in his mouth - AGAIN. In a short interview with Just a Casual Observation (JCO) he candidly agrees to talk about the incident in which a "hot-microphone" caught him saying that he wanted to "Cut Obama's Nuts Off" for "talking down to black people" while gesturing with a karate chop motion**. His answers are full of colorful “Jackson speak”, punctuated by abrupt changes in intonation, long pauses and creative gesturing. His rambling, self-referential monologues continue to inspire into the next generation.

JCO: Reverend Jackson, do you think that your comments about Barrack Obama are a projection of your own feelings of powerlessness, emasculation and insignificance?

RJJ: I reject your thoroughly ugly rhetoric and I am insulted by your racial injustices. I see beyond fear and pain. I have a power that cannot be stopped. I have hope. I see beyond fears.

JCO: Rev. Jackson, after all these years in the public sector – you can never hope to achieve the popularity and potential of this relatively young man. Does this make you bitter and angry?

RJJ: I am looking forward to leading the people at this pregnant time in history. I have a great passion for this election and for justice and gender equality. GREAT PASSION. I will sacrifice all of myself for (the Obama) campaign, with justice and passion!

JCO: Is it this same passion that leads you to want to chop his balls off?

RJJ: Yes. This goes to the heart of the matter. It is repetitious. It is powerful. But I will not lay down because the ground is no place for a Champion.

There it is folks. From the horse's ass-mouth. So far Senator Obama has kept mum on the matter. The only word from his campaign came from his campaign manager- Jesse Jackson Jr. He released a statement saying quote:

I thoroughly reject and repudiate this ugly rhetoric.

*Rev. Jesse Jackson called NYC “Hymietown” in 1984 when he was running for president and critics ripped him for it. He was using “Hymie” as a seemingly unflattering word for Jewish people. This gaffe gave fodder for a brilliant SNL moment when Eddie Murphy spoofs him in a song called “Hymietown”. (Though this video has been scrubbed from the web by a possible Jewish conspiracy) It is still available on Netflix Eddie Murphy: Best of SNL. A comedy must see!

** A waiver was signed with Revered Jackson's people forbidding any questioning regarding his feud with the late Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I Wish I Was Partying In Spain!

2008-07-13T19:41:00.012-05:00

I Wish I was Partying in Spain!!
It has been reported that the Newest Sports Superpower, Spain, is still celebrating its Super-status as World Cup Soccer Champions and Tennis Powerhouse- producing a list of top tennis players led by 2008 French Open and Wimbledon Champion Rafael Nadal.

Knowing how Spaniards party, they are still partying about this. In fact, I would not be surprised if the country is on a national holiday right now- in order to adequately celebrate how awesome their long-haired men can play sports.

And lets face it. These long-haired men can play sports!…and party,..and pursue women all at the same time. Most contemporary American men cannot seem to fit all three qualities into the same package.

The character breakdown goes something like this: Ameri-dudes are either Sporto, Party-boy, Pretty-boy, or Ladies Man. Sporto typically does not wear long hair, or have a way with women. Party-boy usually only watches sports, and is too fucked up on drugs to pursue a lady, or dress up and comb his hair. Pretty-boys in America are mostly gay, and do not play soccer, and lastly, a most rare and dying breed…the American Ladies Man: is so obvious in intention.. and in the most need of long hair, because he usually has none... and is dressed poorly.

In fact, baldness on men has been en vogue in the US now for 3 years or so? I guess it works for dudes with a “less is more” strategy. The Spaniards do not play voluntary baldness. The American Olympic committee is currently looking into a connection between long hair and the success of the Spanish National Athletic Program. The hypothesis is: Athletes wearing long hair pulled back in a bandana have more all-around game then athletes wearing short hair and a baseball cap. Headband retailers and hair care product companies are anxiously awaiting the results of the US Olympic Committee's research- which is currently being conducted at an undisclosed location.

Skulls on Kids - Bad Idea

2008-06-26T15:30:00.006-05:00

A destructive instruction?

Has anyone noticed the recent proliferation of skull branding on women and childrens’ clothing and accessories. Target Store is one of many stores guilty of pushing a new logo for women and children—the skull and crossbones.

The Jolly Roger – the signal of a pirate ship in times past, or times present? Today the pirates are represented by the omnipresent threat of terrorism on civilian America. Beefed up airport and mall security, metal detectors in schools, shootings in high schools and colleges all signal to American youth: The World Is Not Safe-The World is Threatening.

So you better wear your skull and crossbones t-shirt.

The skull and crossbones signifies and signals DANGER. When a bottle of pills has a skull and crossbones on it, does a parent give it to their baby to play with? “ Here play with this junior, oh look! skull and crossbones- just like the logo on his shirt.” A symbol that typically represents a warning of Dangerous Consequences- from which PARENTS are supposed to PROTECT their child- has become an acceptable form of fashion iconography. Watch Out.

Now with the advent of labeling youth with skulls, kids display just how vulnerable they are to accepting and identifying with the threat of danger- which some may call… the Dark Side .

The news is full of reports of how the dark side has easily “corrupted” or at least desensitized American youth to committing violent acts on each other. An abbreviated list:
1. 15+ shootings committed by High School students in Chicago in April 2008
2. 30 students and teachers murdered in Virginia Tech shootings
3. 7 killed in Chicago Mall Shooting
4. 14 year old girls in Florida gang beating a friend and posting it on internet.

The power of imagery to symbolize and communicate non-verbal ideas and concepts is the purpose of art and logos. When people choose to wear imagery that represents danger, threat, or the inevitable vulnerability of death presented to living creatures- they should understand the definition of the icon they choose to represent- especially when placing it on infants and children.

“If you do not believe there is a dimension of the universe that actively pursues evil in its forms, then ask for it, keep asking for it, and sure enough, it will come knocking at your door.” This line, from the CSI television show (Crime Scene Investigation - CSI), illustrates how a naïve fashion statement could attract the very danger it represents.

Kids shooting kids with guns, and physically beating each other to post on the internet are two examples of how promoting destructive imagery: messages through the media, video games and fashion pop culture- influence, corrupt, and erode youth resistance to identifying with “the Dark Side”. Does it exist? Yes it does. It exists in every one of us, we choose to repel or embrace it. The fashion victims in this case are children: who, ignorant to the power of negative imagery, absorb the consequences their parents choose for them….by NOT saying NO.

Summertime in the City (try not to get killed)

2008-06-21T12:11:00.012-05:00

In Chicago we skipped right over Spring and here we are, suddenly in the grips of Summer. I just wanted to take this time to remind people from all over the country to be safe and mindful during these hot and sweaty months. Chicago has already seen a number of brutal and senseless murders and it's still June.
People! Achtung! You need to get some street smarts, quick!

I was recently at a Camera Store here in Chicago and the man in front of me was buying $5000.00 worth of photo equipment.
WOW, I exclaim. Is it your birthday?!
No, I am replacing my things that were stolen.
Oh, that sucks. How did it happen?
Well, I set it down and walked away for a minute.

WTF!? OK, that is lesson number one. If you had $5000.00 in a stack, would you set it down and walk away for a minute?
I'll be right back, that stack of money should be fine for a sec...

Recently, I got into my neighbors car and was greeted by a seat full of glass from his busted out window.
Damn, what happened?
Man, I was having lunch just now and a few beers and some jerk broke into my car, in broad daylight, on a busy street! Why would he break into this beater?
I dunno man, what'd he get?
My laptop, iPod, a new shirt that I just bought and my gym bag.

Were all these people born yesterday?
Lesson number two - he didn't target your beater! He targeted the car with the most good shit in plain sight! Both of the above are crimes of opportunity. Bums and crazies are literally climbing out of the woodwork in the summertime Chi. They are messed up on drugs and they want to steal from you. (see previous post)

Recently, I'm at a bar in Chicago. We're on the West Side, Chicago and Western. A pretty, young, new-to-the-city co-worker of my friend asks,
Do you think I'm close enough to walk home?
Not really, plus, it's not really safe.
Really? Why? Are there gangs around here?

Whaaaa? Gangs? In Chicago, on the West Side? Maybe you need to go home and do a little homework. The same girl tells me a story about her friend walking home alone and befriending a bum who was nice enough to hold her hand on their walk. Well, I've got a story too. My friend was walking home from the train (in a "good" neighborhood) and made eye contact with a bum. As soon as they passed each other he turned around and grabbed her. After taking her to the ATM to rob her he walked her to an alley by our house and raped and beat her. Then she walked home.
There are two lesson here: Firstly, know where you are and second, it doesn't matter where you are.
The city is a dangerous place! Lock your doors people! Hide your stuff! Don't walk around drunk at night. Don't yell at or talk to gangbangers (or their girlfriends!) Be careful and if you are wondering,
Are those fireworks?....assume the worst.
And then if you are thinking,
Should I duck, or keep driving?
the answer is BOTH!

Recession Stripping Profits from Adult Entertainers

2008-05-31T20:14:00.005-05:00

Women and men in the ”Skin Industry” aka.. Porn Stars and Strippers are suffering a decline in both Internet Volume and Lap Dances. “This is bullshit! We dancers are getting $10’s when we used to be getting $20’s for lap dances, sometimes even a $5! I’m starting to feel really cheap, this recession is a conspiracy against the Adult Entertainment Industry!” complains topless dancer Cherish.” It’s the right wing Christians fabricating a recession and re-interest in marriage. Look at this Polygamy bust in Texas, all a set up! With disposable income down, women are exercising their marriage rights, getting pregnant-- and it’s ruining my business!”

Women in marriages across the country have confirmed that both the advent of GPS (Global Positioning System) and the tightening of household budgets has contributed to the exclusion of porn subscriptions and Gentlemen’s Club visits. A 20% rise in American pregnancy’s last month leads experts to believe a lack of porn may lead to a healthy pursuit of organic libido. Others believe the recession has spurned a re-interest in women sticking their tits in their husband’s faces. In fact, men are deciding to invest in breast implants for their wives rather than, ”throw the money away on some hot fantasy that requires me to keep giving it more money. The recession has helped me come to my senses.” boasts Micky Giovanni, regular at Hollywood Star Gentlemen's Club,“before my sub-prime mortgage practically cleaned me out, I‘d pay strippers and watch internet porn-- but now, I cut that shit out....and whatya know, my wife's tits are HUGE because the doctor just confirmed little Junior is on the way!"

Religion and Politics Engaged to be Re-Married

2008-05-19T13:47:00.004-05:00

After 60+ years of separation, religion and politics have fallen in love again. As Soviet Communism’s 1917 atheist ideology successfully swept through most of the Western World, including America, during the 20th Century, secular politics, like the divorced family structure, struggled to make ends meet. The children suffered.

“Destroying churches and discounting God did not help our political situation,” says Oleg Kuchenko, former Soviet Red Army Judge. “We welcome the reunion of religion and politics in Russia and its ex-republics. We have learned the hard way: faith is a better controller of people than force.”

“It is impossible to keep bloodlines, money and politics together without the uniting sanctity of Religion,” according to Rabbi Jakob Sherman. “If other teams are using spiritual enthusiasm and ties to the Bible for political grounds, we better wake up our souls and get in the game.”

Besides all Abrahamic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are based on rules, or religious laws. These laws all point to the same end (a benevolent God), but vary enough so that we can still fight about the differences.

As long as American Christians understand that Muslims, Radical Black Churches, Polygamous Mormons, Right Wing Southern Baptist, Methodist, and Unitarian preachers, as well as Catholic priests- Are Evil, we can officially recognize the marriage of religion and politics, and support the fighting that is happening in Gaza and Jerusalem.

Religion and politics have been fighting like passionate lovers throughout history. They argue about everything: real estate, money, morals, God’s chosen people, etc. Their explosive relationship and nasty divorce settlements of past will hopefully be reconciled in their remarriage ceremony set for July in Jerusalem.

Insider sources in Gaza say Religion and Politics eloped already….

DETROIT: French Buyout Seriously Considered

2008-04-18T16:24:00.004-05:00

Militant French Patriots announced today that they are Fed up with the world’s mispronunciation of its precious language- and were taking active measures to rebrand Detroit, Michigan in accordance to its proper French Pronunciation…Detroit (Day-twah’), Michigan (Mishee-keh’n).

The French militant faction stationed in Quebec say their message is simple: “to let the citizens of Detroit and the people of America know that the ignorance to the history of their city is not going to be tolerated by France or French Canada anymore! Detroit was founded by French explorer Antoine de la Mothe, Sieur de Cadillac. Monsieur Cadillac on behalf of Louis XIV founded Fort Pontchartrain du Detroit in 1701.” cheers Jean-Jacques Le Mans, “now that our currency is much higher than America’s, we are leveraging a buyout of the city. Once we buy Detroit, we will extend the Canadian National healthcare system to the Independent Fort Detroit city-state.”

French Militant leader Count Pontchartrain VII of Brittany says he “cannot watch another day of Detroit in post-industrial decline. Detroit used to be the city of Motown, fresh automobiles and birthplace to musicmakers: Madonna, Iggy Pop, Eminem, Aretha Franklin, Marvin Gaye…Detroit used to SING! ..Now its noise is analogous to a rusty piece of scrap metal being recycled… into a flourishing French city-state- which will be Day-twah, Mishee-keh’n.”

Adversaries claim that the Count’s only interest in Detroit is to avenge his great great great great grandfathers loss of Fort Detroit in 1763 to the British. French fur trappers are relying on their connections with the indigenous people of Detroit to gain support for the buyout and secession. “The situation in downtown Detroit is so bad, we don’t care who takes it over or how we have to say the name, just do something!” instructs Detroit resident Jorhonda Jones. mother of 5 who used to work at General Motors. “In the 60’s we had something to fight for, there was “revolution” in the air. Now we hear about change and help for Detroit – we have been waiting, no change is happening. I think it’s time we give the French system a try- even if it is half Canadian.”

Opponents to the Detroit secession fear that the seizing of Detroit by foreign interest could corrupt the national security of the region. “Once they have Day-twah, the French will head for Fort Wayne, Indiana, then Chicago, and once they hit the Mississippi river, watch out New Orleans.

Conspiracy theorist J.P. Morgan Chase Rockefeller asserts it is part of master plan by the Rothschilds’ to reclaim the real estate swindled away from the French sale of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. Insiders say a Baron Rothschild is funding the Detroit buyout with enthusiasm. “he runs around his chateau pretending he is Cadilliac fighting the Ottawa Indians, once he captures Fort Pontchatrain du Detroit then he pretends to tell Robert R. Livingston to Fuck off… No Louisiana Purchase!!!”

Once the re-jurisdiction of Day-twah is complete, citizens will be required by law to learn French, eat ham and cheese sandwiches with wine at lunch, and smoke cigarettes.

Why I boycott the CTA

2008-04-14T10:08:00.012-05:00

This past weekend gave me the perfect opportunity to take Chicago's beautiful CTA (Chicago Transit Authority). My commute to the Loop would take me on both train and bus. As it was too rainy for bike riding, too far to walk and my destination was not by any parking, my boycott of the CTA would have to be temporarily suspended. Maybe I would be pleasantly surprised. Having spent the better part of my 11 years living in the city using public transportation (as well as riding my bike) I have had the opportunity to see it's utter decline in service and appalling conditions on the CTA trains escalate to an alarming degree. But maybe I am overreacting....

Saturday, I hear the train coming and I am half a block away. I run through the turnstile and sprint up the stairs, dash across the platform and slip into the car just as the doors bang shut behind me. My relief of making it onto the train was fleeting as my nostrils were immediately accosted by the smell of SHIT. Not a "shitty smell", or "shit" as in "garbage" but the smell of HUMAN FECES. I looked around the train and everyone in the car had a disgusted face (see image). While trying not to gag, I wondered why anyone was still on this car and planned to exit at the Western stop and change cars. The distance from the California stop to the Western stop can only be two miles max and should take about 4 minutes. The train pull away from the station. As soon as my car clears the platform the train stops. No announcement - just standing still, smelling shit. I wonder if it is safe to pass between cars while it is raining. Is it better to get electrocuted or to stand here smelling shit? I decide to wait. When the train does start to move it is at a snails pace. Slowly we move along, stretching this 4 minute jaunt into a 10 minute affair, we crawl along, then stop, shit smell is not lessening. Crawl along then stop, smell is not waning and I am not "getting used to it". Finally we reach the Western Station, I run to the train car directly behind the SHIT CAR, but barely make it as the doors are only opened for a few seconds, maybe they are trying to make up time. Again, I slip in as the doors are closing behind me and this time I find myself standing in a cloud of smoke. Cigar smoke. No one on the train car can be seen smoking now (though it is hard to tell through the haze). The pungent odor is trapped and I gag and cover my nose and mouth. The rain and warm weather have made for a hot and sticky situation. At least i can't smell B.O. I pray for ZEN as we slowly chug along to the next stop, where I change cars again. My trip on the Blue Line: four stops, three train cars, half an hour, maybe two miles.
Should have walked.

THIS IS WHY I BOYCOTT THE CTA.
So, Tuesday morning, while riding my bike to work, I notice hundreds of pissed off people huddled in groups at EVERY bus stop on Milwaukee Avenue, a major diagonal artery of the city, to which the Blue Line runs adjacent. I only take Milwaukee from Western to Ashland, but clearly there is some sort of transit breakdown happening. I see only two busses on this entire route and they are not stopping. They are too full to take on passengers and blow right past the angry/expectant commuters. When I get to work I look online for news of the problem.
Chicago Sun-Times
Chicago Tribune

At lunch I hear co-workers complaining that major bus routes in the city (like Grand Avenue) were stripped of their buses to shuttle Blue Line passengers (but where were these shuttles?). Get it together CTA! Many of the 149,000 commuters who take the Blue Line daily were inconvenienced. The trains were stopped for almost 2 hours, during rush hour.
In a growing city with congestion problems we need to put money into these dilapidated transit lines. Instead, the trains are almost unbearable. I would rather walk.
The boycott is back on.
Videos of Monday morning's CTA evacuation HERE.
An article about the "rider revolt" where the CTA plays the old Blame the Victim game, here.

Drugs: 7 Casual Obs to keep in mind

2008-04-13T23:40:00.006-05:00

Drugs: I want to make a few observations about drugs. And NO I’m not gonna blabber on about the “war on drugs” and how it is an ineffective waste of time.

1. Drugs are fun. Peer pressure is not why kids start doing drugs. Kids do drugs because drugs are fun.
At first.
2. Often times Cocaine + Alcohol = Date Rape
3. All the time Prohibition = Black Market + Organized Crime
4. A life on drugs is not pretty. See image.
5. Pot is benign. More on this in forthcoming article. See above.
6. Drug addicts steal and lie. And stab you in the eye if they have to....Drugs make people do things they regret.
7. Alcoholic adults scare the shit out of little kids. Kids can sense an addict like a dog knows a storm is coming.

Exclusive Interview with San Diego!

2008-03-13T22:54:00.005-05:00

The Saints of California series puts a face to the name, as San Diego reveals his character Californians can better identify historically why this state has always been speaking Spanish.

Jill: San Diego-there are a lot of San’s in California just to name a few: San Francisco, San Jose, San Luis Obispo, San Juan Capistrano the list goes on…why?

San Diego: Well Jill, when the Spanish explorers discovered California they set up ‘Missions’. San Diego being one of the first Franciscan missions was named after me St. Didacus of Alcala… Because I am the saint of divine precepts, smelling good, and killing moors.. and there were a lot of moor-like people inhabiting the San Diego when we first got there in 1769. We did quite a job. Its pretty white now.

Jill: How did the Saints choose which city they got to bless? Did the San’s let the Santa’s pick first? It appears all the female saints, or Santa’s, got to choose the rich area’s like Santa Barbara and Santa Monica.

San Diego: Each time we set up a new mission, we bless the land in honor and dedicate the mission to a Saint. Santa Barbara is the patron saint of artillery and explosives, and accidental death, which we thought was a perfect warning to rebellious indigenous infidels to obey the hand of god.

Jill: The hand of god you are speaking of managed to set up 21 Franciscan franchises. These franchises could be called the most successful economic stimulators of all times. I mean, your God Shops became Cities with distinct brand names. Do you have any advice for today’s Commercial developers about why Franciscan style branding like Santa Cruz, San Gabriel, and Santa Ana have a brand longevity lost to compounds like Federated Department Stores or Westfield Mall. What are today’s brand logo’s missing?

San Diego: We are very proud of our missions. They were very successful in civilizing the uncivilized. We used violence and the fear of god to get California where it is today. Most of today’s retail brands miss the fear of god in their message. All the security cameras in the malls have limited our ability to scare the truth into ignorant shoppers. So the Saints hands are tied. People will continue to live in the allusion that their life will improve by purchasing blasphemous Chinese products at godless houses of material worship.

Jill: The state of affairs sounds pretty bad, San Diego?

San Diego: Using man’s lack of intelligence about the afterlife to manipulate- is one thing. Using his lack of physical beauty is another. The Saint’s of California are disgusted with today’s meaningless gospel of consumer culture. The next time the earth violently shakes a mall to ruble or a forest fire consumes a series of luxury homes - Californians need to remember… Who’s their Daddy?

Jill: Thank you San Diego
San Diego: God Bless

Saint Didacus in Ecstasy Before the Cross, by Murillo

Vegetables Suffer As Much As Animals!

2008-03-03T14:35:00.004-06:00

It appears the further detached the American lifestyle becomes from nature and its’ natural processes, the more fashionable it becomes to eat, bathe and clean with organic fruits and vegetables. Vegetarian and vegan products have become the noble compassionate expensive diet of the politically aware who dismiss all animal products as cruel and dirty sustenance.

Is the rejection of traditional food chain items moral, industrial, or cultural? Most vegetarians not only reject industrialized farming for its animal cruelty, but the idea of eating something that has had blood pumping through its veins is somehow disgusting--and unfit for digestion (thus moving further away from our primal instincts). Many vegetarians and vegans believe the animal is a respected spirit that should not sacrifice its’ precious life to become a double cheeseburger. Are we rejecting industrialized farming and the luxuries of mechanization in favor of a movement back to earthly natural processes?.. Hare Krishna!..Hare Krishna!. What an enlightened Buddhist society we are becoming! We show compassion for animals through thoughtful lack of consumption rather than organic interaction. We have elevated animal rights to the level of the human…or have human rights fallen to the level of the animal?

Any news broadcast will confirm that yes, human rights have fallen to the level of the primitive, and we try to make up for it by becoming picky eaters that only ingest vegetables. But our vegetables are dirty--sprayed with nasty pesticides and growth hormones, so organic food emerges taking our vegetables back to a time when science did not interfere with farming… charging more for less interference. How progressive....or regressive?

Consumer chain suppliers have capitalized on the American’s desire to re-connect with nature and abandon dirty scientific chemicals- by mixing fruits and vegetables with clean scientific chemicals! Green cleansers derived from pure plant extracts are now postured as the heroic alternative to SOAP. One after another the natural nutrients absorbed from a Cucumber-Melon wash followed by a Tangerine Sugar Scrub, a Pineapple-Echinacea Exfoliator, Almond Moisturizer, Apple Blossom-Sandalwood Shampoo, and Pomegranate Tea-Tree Oil Conditioner provide a full day supply of Vitamins A, C and B12. Pure plant extracts cleanse our guilt away for manipulating nature so we would be free from its damaging unpredictability.

Consuming nature has never been so convenient.

Whole foods strategist Leo Selby sees the fresh produce market getting even more down to earth. ”Because Americans rarely connect food with nature, we will soon be bringing dirt into the stores so the consumer can actually pick their own organic vegetables. By simulating an organic harvest in the produce section, we hope to reconnect the public to its’ “Red” Earth Chakra, eliminating further desire for animalistic pleasures.”

Russian scientist Sergei Turgenev has spent the last 15 years devising a subsonic recording device similar to a Theremin used to listen to fruits and vegetables. “They are suffering. My research has confirmed that the life process for cultivated produce is just as painful and difficult as it is for livestock.” This stunning discovery is currently being subdued by the American Alternative Food Market. According to Turgenev, “ Before the vegetable is plucked from the plant it is sobbing uncontrollably. Once the separation from the parent plant has been made, the mature seedpod weeps for another 3 hours until it finally burns itself out and falls asleep. When it wakes up, it is at the store getting washed, waxed and placed carefully on display. This is the normal course of life for a piece of produce, the pain gives the fruit or vegetable more flavor.”

The cultural conscience shifting away from eating animals is an attack on the hunter and an honor of the gatherer. The mass acceptance of information technology has brought us the cult of the virtual life—which has successfully detached itself from the dirty laborious nature of the food chain. There is a very real connection between man, nature, survival, and conquest. Agricultural science has provided the conquest over nature that has made man’s physical survival easy, predictable and labor-free. Now we are fat and bored and the food is too clean and perfect. It doesn’t taste real anymore. So we try to buy back a piece of the “Organic Life”.

Mysterious "Bachelor's Bathroom" Gene Isolated!

2008-02-29T12:49:00.004-06:00

After years of research, geneticists have isolated the troublesome “Bachelor’s Bathroom” genome. The Y-chromosome DNA is found in single straight males who live without cleaning bathroom showers and sinks for years. A typical “Bachelor’s Bathroom” harbors mature mildew and fungus buildup in the shower, and a clogged sink making it virtually, “impossible to get clean, I’m not sure how it happens in here?” says Melissa Collins, a recent visitor to single male friend's apartment.

This sentiment is echoed by Lauren Chase who “tried to get serious about Mark, but I cannot stay there and use that bathroom on a regular basis.” Mothers' who are wondering why they are still the biggest fan of their sweet eligible son-might have to use the bathroom in his apartment one day, and realize…Your Son Needs To Hire A Cleaning Lady! Holy Shit! What is growing in the shower?

Years of denial that someone – is going to have to clean the bathroom.

Filth- on a level never anticipated by any XX chromosome, is a regular fact of life in most XY bathrooms. This skews the mating game for both parties involved, says Katie Reyes, “When I meet a guy, I go straight to his bathroom to see what kind of damage has been done. This room is going to have to be cleaned by Me, unless this guy can afford a cleaning lady. I rather find this information out before I get too invested in the relationship.”

Despite mating repercussions, these bathrooms have a peculiar resistance to cleaning ladies and cleaning solutions. “I offered to pay for a cleaning lady for Jake’s birthday, he flipped out!” Alison Shoptaw recalls, ”beyond residential cleaning solutions, we had to call a plumber to fix the drains, once he assessed the full extent of the neglect--he went to his truck and came back in a HAZMAT suit."

“This total lack of awareness for cleaning bathrooms is one of the many Y-chromosome mysteries we have been trying to solve.” confirms geneticist Max Fontaine, “Once gene therapy is in full affect, these bachelors should be going after the grout mold with a toothbrush and Bon Ami chlorine cleanser. However, we are still a years away from solving the drain clogging problem.”

Art and Soccer Responsible for European Sweep of the 2008 Academy Awards

2008-02-25T11:37:00.010-06:00

Who won all the Oscars this year? Europeans? Wow. The Academy does have standards. If confusion arises the premise goes like this: Art and Entertainment are NOT THE SAME. Nope. The proof- we do not know who Frenchy Best Actress is.. but we know Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson. Frenchy is Art- Linds and Jessie- Entertainment.

Art- a personal/cultural expression that has layers of meaning within an educated aesthetic, skill, or craft. The viewer can bring their own experience into the perception of an art work.

Entertainment – a cultural entity created for diversion and amusement, an escape- purposely devoid of deep meaning. Opiate of the masses…

So don’t feel bad America- the hype was better than reality this year at the Oscars, because nobody knows who these Euros are. We missed those films because of the Writers strike and Reality television.

To remedy our ignorance to European culture we should look at what we teach our children: Art and Soccer. Lots of Art classes and Soccer practices after school for the children of America, but what happens after age 12? Why do we tease them with the idea that their future will involve Art and Soccer? I wish my world still involved Art and Soccer – and it Doesn’t! Where are the 25-45 year old art classes with nice teachers, facilities and free supplies. Where are the adult soccer leagues for Men and Women- who certainly could use a run around a nice green field after sitting at a computer all day? There is no excuse accept laziness and lack of ingenuity because American girls were raised to play just as much soccer as American boys.

We need these European cultural implementations of Art and Soccer to stick past age 12 or we may never win another Oscar again. As our population spends more and more time complaining about being fat and sitting on their asses watching reality televison—those Europeans might usurp our Entertainment and turn it into Art?!!

Mom Super Pist-off About “Girls Next Door”

2008-02-20T14:39:00.004-06:00

“I did not spend the last 7 1/2 years protecting my child from impending danger and psychological pollution to have their innocence stripped on an after school play-date! When Kayley came home from Olivia LaVallee’s house wearing paper bunny ears taped to her headband and a cotton ball tail – I thought she was playing –Easter Bunny or Bugs Bunny. That was Not the case.” says Kayley’s mother, Julia Verdasco.

“No. I guess Mrs. LaVallee was getting a massage when her 12 year- old son- Justin- had the remote control to the TV. Apparently he likes to watch the E! channel after school because his favorite show is on: The Girls Next Door-A reality show featuring the everyday lives Hugh Hefner’s harem of Playboy Playmates.

So….. my 6 year old daughter, Kindergarten! Mind you- Saw it All in Hi-Definition. She wants to be a “Pretty Bunny Lady” for Halloween and visit "the Bunny Castle with the super-rich Grandpa." You know what she wants for Christmas? Big Boobies!…and Sexypants!”

Verdasco is appalled by “the standards in other families that is corrupting my child. Like the LaVallee’s-- I should have known better. The nanny picks them up from school, the son is pale and fat, and the kindergartner bosses the nanny around. I think its time I start home schooling...or an outright family uproot..far, far away from this society.”

Verdasco retreats into deep thought about her childhood days of swing sets, sports outdoors and bike rides around the neighborhood.

“If this loss of innocence on my child is irrevocable – you better believe I am calling my husband’s attorney.”

Young Hollywood just says NO to Abortion

2008-02-18T18:03:00.005-06:00

Today's Hollywood starlets are just saying NO to Abortion. These mindless youngsters are getting knocked up at an alarming rate! Jessica Alba, Jamie Lynn Spears and Lilly Allen (who has since miscarried) are just a few young women who decided to go ahead with a career ending pregnancy. Not to mention, not one of them is married. These girls must think being rich also makes them mature. Ignorantly, they throw away the rights and opportunities that many generations of women before them fought for.
Just a generation ago, young Hollywood was fighting for their right to say YES! Can you picture a pre-Selena Jennifer Lopez getting knocked up, and KEEPING it? Hard to imagine. How about Madonna circa Vogue, 1990. Indeed, 1990 was the highest year for number of abortions in the US, just over 1,600,000. Not surprisingly 2007 was low with 1,200,000, putting it in the bottom 4 years for number of Abortions preformed in the U.S. since the beginning of stats in 1974 (Source: The Guttmacher Institute (formerly a special affiliate of Planned Parenthood), which actively collects the abortion data directly from providers. All numbers reported are voluntary; there are no laws requiring abortionists to report to any national agency the numbers of abortions they perform. 2006-2007 are estimates of 1,206,200 annually).
Icons of the nineties like Janet Jackson and Julia Roberts managed, not to get (publicly) pregnant by any number of their less talented no name boyfriends. Theirs was a generation reveling in the afterglow of the Sexual Revolution. Putting career before family, and spending their twenties and thirties building their careers. Were these women smarter, were they luckier, or did they just say YES?

Burberry Plaid in Midst of Rebranding Campaign

2008-02-18T11:26:00.005-06:00

Republican and Democratic Presidential campaigns are deliberating over which Luxury Product Endorsement will attract the most voters. All three candidates have bids in for Louis Vuitton, Gucci, and Prada, but Democratic strategists advise, “a marketable knockoff will need to be created in order to reach the middle class effectively.” Republicans chuckle at this idea, “You mean, like what we did with Burberry? Great innovation Democrats.”

There is a theory that the Fashion Gods on top of Mt. Madison Ave. had two plans ready at decision of the Bush/Gore election in 2000. If Gore had won we would be living in a different fashion fate, but we have George Bush II and the fashion implications of his reign are best explained in the subversive use of the Burberry Plaid.

Burberry Plaid – its arrival in spring 2002 as an avant-garde accessory- hardly. Burberry plaid is the tradition that never changes. It has been the symbolic classical aristocratic British country club raincoat. Burberry plaid signifies money – because the authentic garments are loads of money. Burberry plaid signifies homogeneity – the plaid does not change from wearer to wearer or season to season (this is either boring or equalizing). A symbol of constancy – like stodgy Grandmother’s hold on the family – she’s had her Burberry raincoat for 50 years!

Now all the chic wear it around their neck without questioning its political implications whatsoever which is either pathetically unthinking in its mass endorsement of conservative snobbery or revolutionary its mass overthrow of symbolic snobbery- I cannot tell.

The theory goes that, as soon as King George W. the II was elected, the fashion Lords and Ladies gave the thumbs up to the Chinese mills to produce as much Burberry plaid knockoff stuff within the profit margin as possible. This signaled the move towards conservative republican politics and the rule of the Bush Family.

But that was just the political catalyst, what has taken off fiscally from that point is that: the masses have bought it. Perhaps it’s the comfortable stability of that khaki, black and white. Or is it the status that precedes the plaid that the wearer believes is a becoming attribute? Is it a desire to look like other Americans - a unifying symbol in these trying and patriotic times, or does it just look good with khaki pants and a white shirt?

On the other hand, the mass production and consumption of Burberry plaid has completely changed its meaning. Once it is available at Walgreens it is no longer exclusive. Once everyone is wearing “the scarf” its old implication is outdated by the present implication – Burberry is for everyone, clutch it with comfort and security because we aren’t insuring much past that.

Everyone bring your umbrella, sassy caps, raincoats, and scarves and hope for bad weather so we can all unite under the Burberry Plaid – and overthrow its repetitive unthinking expensive nature. We can all gather in front of the Burberry store- take our scarves off and wave them in the air declaring independence from the retail price of Burberry plaid. We can all laugh together about how we didn’t pay that much for our scarf. This would be the formal fashion revolution necessary to make Burberry plaid the symbol of a truly fashionable coup d’etat. At the end of the Bush Administration we will take off our Burberry plaid and give it its last hurrah, declare ourselves liberated from its past political implications and hope it will not be an endorsement for the 2008 election.

Is White Collar Crime Ruining Your Neighborhood?

2008-02-16T15:23:00.005-06:00

Los Angeles Public Television, KCET, recently ran Alex Gibney’s documentary, “Independent Lens: Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room.” The film discloses the corporate corruption behind Enron- the American Corporation that fooled California into thinking there was an energy shortage producing rolling blackouts in 2001.

The blackouts were an ingenious scam on California engineered by Extremely Clever American Corporate Greed. First, cronies in the California legislature – DE-regulated- Government Control of Electrical Energy – what was once Commonwealth Edison for all, became privatized energy grids, and one private sector controller was Enron- and their traders had access to redirecting electricity out of the state, or to turn it off for a few hours. And they did, in a way that looks as if a financial terrorist seized control of California’s energy.

The fabricated blackouts rocketed energy prices in California. Electricity that typically went for $30 to $40 a megawatt/hour, giddy Enron traders sold back at $1000 megawatt/hour to the People of California. So why is this 7 year old story still relevant?

Americans, we do not have an energy problem. We have a White Collar Crime Problem! Unscrupulous greed by the winner who takes all in privatized corporate conglomerates..is alive and well…functioning in the brilliant minds of American MBA’s and happening AGAIN!.. in the American sub-prime mortgage crisis.

According to a private mortgage lender in Los Angeles, “Lenders were telling people how to create paper fraud. Mortgage brokers showed people how to overstate their income and have the value of their property assessed for more than it was worth. Now, a lot of my colleagues are hurting- having to sell a Porsche or a second home.”

Bethany McLean co-author of, “The Smartest Guy’s in the Room, the Rise and Scandalous Fall of Enron,‘ describes the guilty white collar criminal: “At first it is just stretching the numbers to make a deal go through, then it works, and it continues to be done to meet the next quarter earnings or to hide a financial loss. The typical white-collar criminal gets away with most of his fraud until he gets caught, and when he does, he actually believes that he has done nothing wrong.”

The sickness behind Enron and the Mortgage crisis is an Ethical one. It reveals How Greed Can Corrupt America on All Levels. “At some point, employees, accountants, lawyers, or legislators could have said ‘this is not right, no way- these numbers are not legitimate,’ but No One Did,” described an ex-Enron executive. And she warns, “this can Absolutely Happen Again.”

What should disgust America is how Corporate America has no problem exploiting its own people for profit. If a few clever businessmen can get rich at the expense of a not-so-clever American Public- they will – without reservation. Enron is a recent story of how an Oligarchy manipulated our Electrical Energy System. This sounds like a story coming from an ex-Soviet Republic now run by Mafia, or even worse, an energy trick that the Soviet’s engineered, and American big business copied.

Valentine’s Special!!! Special Price For Benign Girl

2008-02-14T13:01:00.007-06:00

The celebration of Valentine’s Day brings back memories of the good old days, “When boys were boys and girls were girls. None of this ambiguous nonsense I see in the youth today.” says Ida Darnell of Norridge, Illinois. “When I met my husband of 60 years- during the War -romance was different, it existed. Maybe because in those days you could die any minute, so relationships were worth something.”

“American women are scary,” claims 42 year old Roger Bennett. "They have way too much education in the WRONG areas. I don’t care how much a woman knows about history or the markets, I care about how well she can cook and clean. This sensibility seems to be lost on even California girls- who want to have sex all the time but talk too much and have zero housekeeping skills.”

Bennett’s sentiments are echoed by a population of middle-aged white men, who this Valentines’ Day will be buying roses for imported Asian and Russian girlfriends. “I rather save a woman from destitution or prostitution in a corrupt country, than take care of some strong-willed American girl. Poor Svetlana, she was abused by multiple family members with alcoholism before I rescued her from Belarus."

George McLean of San Francisco can’t wait to buy his new girlfriend Ming-ling Yang the Murakami Louis Vuitton purse she said she “can’t live without!” isn’t that endearing? As I fill out her immigration papers, she gives me a pedicure-with benefits!”

This trend has not been missed by Chinese and American toymakers who realize a re-inscription of traditional romantic roles can be fed to the future of America through two fantastic new children’s toys: The “Benign Girl” and “Naughty Boy” Battery Operated Cell Phones. Lee-Chow Ling of Qunxing Toys is confident his export can, “change the sexual norms for Americans if we put the toy in the hands of the appropriate age group. That is why the “Benign Girl” and “Naughty Boy” phone is ages 3 and up."

Western Civilization Class Has Revelation

2008-02-12T12:18:00.000-06:00

Hersey High School Western Civilization Teacher Anthony Gillespie never saw a class erupt into, “such an absurd but profound discussion. Every year I teach Mesopotamia and the City of Babylon. This year I pulled down the map and showed the students where the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers are located -in what is now Central Iraq.”

“You mean the place where we are fighting the war? “one 9th grade student dares to ask. “So why don’t they just call it another War in Babylon?”

“Is George W. Bush after Babylon just like the Persians and Alexander the Great?..Is that the Babylonian Captivity we are going to be tested on?”

“Yeah! “ cheers another student. “We’re kicking Babylonian Ass in Mesopotamia, just like Hammurabi- laying down the Law! Why didn’t you just say we were fighting a war in Babylon at the beginning of the chapter Mr. Gillespie?

“Hey Mr. G, you think George Bush will go down in history as another invader of Babylon?”

“Our civilization doesn’t need karma like that.” Gillespie mutters under his breath.
“What’s Karma Mr. G?”

“Your homework assignment.”
“Find a story linking the Iraq War to Babylon.”

One diligent student’s findings:

BABYLON WRECKED BY WAR
The Guardian, January 15, 2005

Troops from the US-led force in Iraq have caused widespread damage and severe contamination to the remains of the ancient city of Babylon, according to a damning report released by the British Museum.

The military camp was established by the American forces in April 2003, and damage was already visible when Dr Curtis first visited part of the site that June. The same contractors, Kellogg, Brown and Root - a subsidiary of the American civil engineering corporation Halliburton, of which the US vice-president, Dick Cheney, is a former chief executive officer - were used to develop and maintain the site throughout, as it grew to a 150-hectare camp, housing 2,000 soldiers. This was officially handed over to Polish forces in September 2003.

"This is tantamount to establishing a military camp around the Great Pyramid in Egypt or around Stonehenge in Britain," says the report, which has been seen by the Guardian.

Archaeologists were horrified by the confirmation of reports that large areas of the site had been covered in gravel brought in from outside, compacted and sometimes chemically treated to provide helipads, car parks and accommodation and storage areas. At least 2,000 troops were installed, daily passing iconic relics like the enormous basalt Lion of Babylon sculpture.

"Outrage is hardly the word, this is just dreadful," said Lord Redesdale, an archaeologist and head of the all-party parliamentary archaeological group. "These are world sites. Not only is what the American forces are doing damaging the archaeology of Iraq, it's actually damaging the cultural heritage of the whole world."

"The significance of Babylon is not lost on the coalition," says US Lieutenant Colonel Steven Boylan, "The site dates back to the time of Nebuchadnezzar's Babylon, but there are very few visible original remains to the untrained eye."

* Rory McCarthy in Baghdad, and Maev Kennedy
* The Guardian,
* Saturday January 15 2005

Midwest NOT Affected by Global Warming!

2008-02-10T22:54:00.001-06:00

After 6 winters in a row with more then one day of "swimming weather" no extended periods of truely cold weather and very low snow fall, the Midwest is rejoicing! Today in Chicago the temperature was ZERO, but wait, if feels like NEGATIVE 23! This is the 7th time the the mercury has hit 0 since the New Year and we do not want for snow either. If there isn't a cold advisory, you can bet there is a snow advisory. And this is just Chicago!
Minneapolis has had a string of below Zero days with wind chills plummeting to NEGATIVE 40. "It's nice out, yeah, it's a nice day," said Fonda Foner of St. Paul who was taking in a snowmobile race on the lakefront. In Wisconsin 800 people were stranded in their cars for up to 12 hours in a blizzard just south of Madison. When finally reached, many of the stranded midwesterners were weary, but still almost giddy with excitement. "It's been at least 15 years since I've seen a winter storm do this much damage! It's really great. " said Neil Hill of Green Bay. Jim Murphy of Fond Du Lac, WI said, "I was beginning to worry that there was something to this Global Warming blathering, but now I can see that we are safe to consume oil and emit greenhouse gasses to our hearts content. Also, that all these hippie Californians are full of BS. They're so worked up they 're banning plastic bags. Ha! It must be because they don't they have anything better to do, like shoveling."

Department of Energy and Labor Dispute over Definition of Physical Universe

2008-02-10T13:06:00.000-06:00

The US Department of Energy has decided to slash funding at two of the nations largest Particle Colliders: Fermilab, in Chicago, IL, and SLAC – Stanford Linear Accelerator Center. This news has particle physicists disappointed but not discouraged.

“We are on the eve of one of the greatest experiments in the history of Physics. In recent years, particle physics has been revolutionized with the discovery that 95% of the Universe is missing. Soon we will be peering into the debris of particle collisions that physicists hope will reveal long-sought secrets of nature!” reports physicist Ted Parris.

“All that money for particle debris in vacuums!” complains Griselda Ramirez, Head of Housekeeping at Hyatt Regency Palo Alto, “My staff collects particle debris in vacuums 14 hours a day/365 days a year! They get paid minimum wage and have many mouths to feed at home. These fancy physicists talking about secrets of the physical universe? Here’s a secret about the universe- the more people- the more dirt, the more housekeeping vacuums it up. That could account for why 95% of the Universe is missing in your neighborhood.”

The US Department’s of Energy and Labor have been disputing over which physical universe should receive more funding. Both arguments are convincing. “We are looking to solve the human need for physical labor by 2012.” says senior scientist Carl Carter. “I saw a woman loading a trailer the other day. She was trying to physically move a lot of heavy things. I had no desire to be a part of it. I tried physical labor a few times and it was very uncomfortable. I hope our experiments go as planned, and only slight moves of the hand will be necessary for future generations.”

Recycled MUZAK Leaps from Background to Foreground

2008-02-07T11:37:00.000-06:00

Insiders say the selling of the MUZAK Holdings, LLC to Texas marketing company DMX, Inc. may, “end the continuous play of top 100 lists from 1983-86.” says MUZAK employee Larry Donovan. “Even though Analytics have concluded 80’s music keeps people in the stores the longest-- listeners who never heard Whitney Houston, Phil Collins or the Culture Club before, show instant product recognition when listening to their songs!” reveals Donovan. “1983-86 was like the Golden Age for MUZAK. The tunes allowed MUZAK to abandon leisurely remakes of Motown and Rock n’ Roll classics, and create a whole new consumer identity set to 80’s music. Never in the history of subliminal mass marketing has a music genre suited our needs so perfectly.”

“The magic of the shopping experience is lost if we drastically change the music.” argues Greg Villa, “Firstly, it’s taken years of research to layer the information that will be lost if we abandon 80’s music. Secondly, the music is perfect for shopping. Nothing and no one in the last 20 years has been able to improve upon 1983-86 when it comes to music for shopping purposes.” Disgusted, Villa continues, “Why don’t we just throw out the “fresh bread smell” at the supermarket, just because our companies are changing hands.”

This is not the first change of management for MUZAK:

“In 1937, The Muzak division was purchased from the North American Company by Warner Brothers, which expanded it into other cities. Shortly thereafter it was bought by entrepreneur, publisher and marketer William Benton. World War II saw a further increase in the popularity of Muzak, as factories pushed for ever-greater production supporting the war effort.
The company began conducting its own psychological research, and began customizing the pace and style of the music provided throughout the workday in an effort to maintain productivity (a technique it called ‘’Stimulus Progression’’). It also began recommending that the music be provided at low, almost subliminal, volume levels, and discovered that alternating blocks of music with periods of silence increased the effectiveness of the product.” --Wikipedia

MUZAK Top Sellers from Years 1983-1986:

1983- Top 25
1. Every Breath You Take, Police
2. Billie Jean, Michael Jackson
3. Flashdance... What A Feelin, Irene Cara
4. Down Under, Men At Work
5. Beat It, Michael Jackson
6. Total Eclipse Of The Heart, Bonnie Tyler
7. Maneater, Daryl Hall and John Oates
8. Baby Come To Me, Patti Austin and James Ingram
9. Maniac, Michael Sembello
10. Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This), Eurythmics
11. Do You Really Want To Hurt Me, Culture Club
12. You And I, Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal Gayle
13. Come On Eileen, Dexy's Midnight Runners
14. Shame On The Moon, Bob Seger and The Silver Bullet Band
15. She Works Hard For The Money, Donna Summer
16. Never Gonna Let You Go, Sergio Mendes
17. Hungry Like The Wolf, Duran Duran
18. Let's Dance, David Bowie
19. Twilight Zone, Golden Earring
20. I Know There's Something Going On, Frida
21. Jeopardy, Greg Kihn Band
22. Electric Avenue, Eddy Grant
23. She Blinded Me With Science, Thomas Dolby
24. Africa, Toto
25. Little Red Corvette, Prince

1984 - Top 25
1. When Doves Cry, Prince
2. What's Love Got To Do With It, Tina Turner
3. Say Say Say, Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
4. Footloose, Kenny Loggins
5. Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now), Phil Collins
6. Jump, Van Halen
7. Hello, Lionel Richie
8. Owner Of A Lonely Heart, Yes
9. Ghostbusters, Ray Parker Jr.
10. Karma Chameleon, Culture Club
11. Missing You, John Waite
12. All Night Long (All Night), Lionel Richie
13. Let's Hear It For The Boy, Deniece Williams
14. Dancing In The Dark, Bruce Springsteen
15. Girls Just Want To Have Fun, Cyndi Lauper
16. The Reflex, Duran Duran
17. Time After Time, Cyndi Lauper
18. Jump (For My Love), Pointer Sisters
19. Talking In Your Sleep, Romantics
20. Self Control, Laura Branigan
21. Let's Go Crazy, Prince and The Revolution
22. Say It Isn't So, Daryl Hall and John Oates
23. Hold Me Now, Thompson Twins
24. Joanna, Kool and The Gang
25. I Just Called To Say I Love You, Stevie Wonder

1985- Top 25
1. Careless Whisper, Wham!
2. Like A Virgin, Madonna
3. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, Wham!
4. I Want To Know What Love Is, Foreigner
5. I Feel For You, Chaka Khan
6. Out Of Touch, Daryl Hall and John Oates
7. Everybody Wants To Rule The World, Tears For Fears
8. Money For Nothing, Dire Straits
9. Crazy For You, Madonna
10. Take On Me, A-Ha
11. Everytime You Go Away, Paul Young
12. Easy Lover, Phil Collins and Philip Bailey
13. Can't Fight This Feeling, REO Speedwagon
14. We Built This City, Starship
15. The Power Of Love, Huey Lewis and The News
16. Don't You (Forget About Me), Simple Minds
17. Cherish, Kool and The Gang
18. St. Elmo's Fire (Man In Motion), John Parr
19. The Heat Is On, Glenn Frey
20. We Are The World, U.S.A. For Africa
21. Shout, Tears For Fears
22. Part-Time Lover, Stevie Wonder
23. Saving All My Love For You, Whitney Houston
24. Heaven, Bryan Adams
25. Everything She Wants, Wham!

1986- Top 25
1. That's What Friends Are For, Dionne Warwick, Elton John, and Gladys Knight
2. Say You, Say Me, Lionel Richie
3. I Miss You, Klymaxx
4. On My Own , Patti Labelle and Michael McDonald
5. Broken Wings, Mr. Mister
6. How Will I Know, Whitney Houston
7. Party All The Time, Eddie Murphy
8. Burning Heart, Survivor
9. Kyrie, Mr. Mister
10. Addicted To Love, Robert Palmer
11. Greatest Love Of All, Whitney Houston
12. Secret Lovers, Atlantic Starr
13. Friends And Lovers, Carl Anderson and Gloria Loring
14. Glory Of Love, Peter Cetera
15. West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys
16. There'll Be Sad Songs, Billy Ocean
17. Alive And Kicking, Simple Minds
18. Never, Heart
19. Kiss, Prince and The Revolution
20. Higher Love, Steve Winwood
21. Stuck With You, Huey Lewis and The News
22. Holding Back The Years, Simply Red
23. Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel
24. Sara, Starship
25. Human, Human League

Corporate Bureaucracy Claims “It’s Not Their Fault”

2008-02-05T13:30:00.000-06:00

“All of the sudden the shit-bomb came from the four Executives via email. I don’t know who’s responsibility the mistake was, but it wasn’t mine.” says Lisa Kelly of the media conglomerate, NBC/Universal. “It aired wrong, the time sequence was off, the commercial was perfect when it left my editing bay on Friday? Which idiot screwed up my work?

"When I got promoted, corporate gave me a fire extinguisher and a rubber finger. The finger is so I can redirect responsibility in two directions while employing the extinguisher." This Kelly explains, “diffuses all responsibility for any problem that may arise in the corporate environment- without the extinguisher my job could easily be engulfed in the flames that routinely erupt and consume ineffective co-workers.”

“That’s not our department, that’s the assistant associate writer-producers- is what I hear All Day!” says irate TV executive Robert Fonzi. “When I need answers about botched up airtime at $5000 a second!!-- I get, Nope didn’t do it, try post-associate producer quality control department…..WhathaF#@%! That’s when I start lighting fires.“

The redirection technique has become even more effective with voice mail, email and Blackberry.

‘“My Blackberry was on vibrate and I couldn’t find it sir, sorry, I had no idea there was a problem.” is the new “dog ate my homework” with today’s “inspired” corporate workforce,” complains Fonzi. “I am surprised when someone actually uses the extinguisher and goes for problem resolution! That’s a good day at the office.”

“Remember the Griffith Park fire across from Warner Brothers?” says security guard Latisha Jackson. “Warner Brothers had to clean house after 3 failed pilots. They just rounded up the entire cast and crews- gave them extinguishers - and said, “Welcome to hell, your show didn’t make ratings.”

Press Protects America from Scathing International Opinion

2008-02-03T18:42:00.000-06:00

The Associated Press has been focusing on the train-wrecked life of Britney Spears in order to protect the American People from all the rude and terrible things the International community is saying about the United States. For instance, today the BBC called the California voting pool “A Big Enchilada”. Last week, a BBC reporter questioned a VP from Goldman Sachs, “so, is it like the American Economy is having a Massive Hangover after a Huge Binge? Is it that American Banks just gave out more money than they had?”

This sort of condescension is not new coming from Great Britain, but the International community in general, is concerned about the irresponsible spending behavior of Americans. They have started an agency called, “Adolescent Country Disaster Fund”. The ACDF ultimately will attempt to protect non-Americans from any disaster that may arise from Americans defaulting on their mortgages.

“The fact that American loans are affecting my financial world is ridiculous! Who let this happen?” says Gerhardt Klaus of Deutsche Bank “Can’t Americans pay their loans when they are supposed to? Your sub-prime mortgage market is tanking the entire world economy!” flustered, Klaus continues, ”why did you agree to borrow against your pre-existing loans- under the sub-prime rate conditions?” Klaus hopes to prevent this sort of mistake from happening again as his team of economists work in Zurich to try to straighten out what he calls, ”a teenager out-of-control with Daddy’s credit card.”

Kitaro Hamakura of Nomura Securities comments, “American spending- it’s like when my daughter goes to the mall-she want everything. I buy her only 3 things, Americans buy 5 or 7 things, and put it on a credit card. Then the lazy pleasure seekers do not pay the card on time, and the global economy teeters on collapse.”

Many other countries share similar sentiments about American spending behavior. When compared to American news, the BBC news breaks down facets of the American sub-prime mortgage crisis in far greater detail. Clearly we rather hear about Britney Spears' problems than face our own grown-up problems. Britney's innocent mistakes, maternal irresponsibility and self-indulgence are presented as if she didn’t know any better. Well, a bunch of crooked bankers behind the sub-prime mortgage lending scam did know better, but thank you Associated Press for sugar coating the news, covering not the corruption behind our financial crisis, but protecting us, like a spoiled teenager, from learning the consequences of our actions.

Kennedy Endorsement of Obama: A Favorable Omen?

2008-02-03T12:20:00.000-06:00

The recent endorsement of Ted Kennedy to the campaign of Barack Obama has Hillary Clinton’s camp relieved.. “Bill, you pissed Ted off, good boy.” Hillary was overheard saying at a recent convention. The Clinton camp strategy was executed perfectly as Hillary is well aware, that a Kennedy endorsement is a political kiss of death.

“Assassination is still alive in well in politics,” according to Clinton strategist, Alan Vicksburg. “We just saw a female candidate in Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto, taken out of an election in a motorcade by a sniper. Does that sound familiar Ted Kennedy? Why would we want your endorsement when at least 4 of your family members (John, Robert, John Jr.and Caroline Bessette) have shown an inability to Survive American Politics?"

“Magic Johnson is a survivor. Can you believe he has had HIV this long? That’s the kind of representation the Clinton camp is in favor of. Athletes generally have the power to fight back under pressure and withstand physical challenges. This is the type of example we want to reintroduce to America,” says Clinton political strategist, Carrie Winter. “This is where the Obama camp might falter because of a lack of experience, History has shown time and time again- it’s a terrible risk to any politician to have a direct descendant of the Kennedy family support his/her political movement.”

California Women Stunned: Favorite Boots Made From Sheepskin

2008-02-02T11:21:00.000-06:00

“NO Way. Uggs are Vegan, aren’t they?” freaked Emma Kramer of Brentwood School. “You mean my feet have been touching animal? Gross!” Women and children were told the information discretely for fear of a massive overload of trauma victims to local hospitals.

“ Ugg boots are shearling, and shearling comes from sheep.” This statement via text showered the Southland. The source of the text is still unknown. San Diego and Los Angeles County Schools and Malls erupted into chaos likened to the last earthquake in Northridge, CA. Traffic came to a screeching halt on the I-405 as women stopped and kicked their boots off and sat dazed in their deception that their unsurpassed foot comfort was not animal-free.

“I just got a sit here for a few minutes and take this all in,” says Sheri Levine, Orange County mother of 3 girls who wear Uggs, “ I feel like I have mislead my daughters by letting them enjoy shearling at the expense of the sheep, I feel terrible. I thought Uggs were made from a soy derivative?!”

Thousands of women saw their favorite boot fall from grace.

“I just never thought about it I guess, the boots are just so comfortable,” is what the majority of trauma nurses are reporting to be hearing in emergency rooms across the Southland of California.

“It’s time for a change,” Italian shoe salon owner, Francesca Raucci reassures , “the floppy sheepskin winter boot in 80+ degree heat was never a good idea, but who would have thought all these Americans would be wearing these sloppy boots for years!”

It’s the only hope for a generation of girls that will never be able to withstand the pain the foot is subjected to in high heels. We anticipate pain tolerance issues for a generation of girls accustomed to the cozy comfort of 80 degree weather wearing soft shapeless shearling boots.”

“We’re suffering a fashion recession because of these dreadful boots Uggs!” Jerome Lazare incites, “velour warm-up suits and Uggs have dominated the market for 3 years and counting,” he complains. “ Many of my clients husbands secretly tell me they can not stand their wives looking like this. The text was a saving grace for West Coast Fashion.”

Boots are being collected and donated to the nomadic tribes of Kazakhstan.

Surveillance Cameras Reduce Attention Deficit

2008-02-01T20:35:00.000-06:00

The Widespread Use of Surveillance Cameras in America is being linked to a sharp decline in Americans suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD) or "ADD". Psychoanalysts and security experts claim there are several psychosomatic reasons contributing to the decrease, “I mean, how can anyone complain about Attention Deficit Disorder when we are either watching or tracking them nearly all the time, really?” argues US Security Commissioner Gerald Hardy, “trying to get qualified individuals to pay attention to the monitors, that’s where the deficit lies.”

“Being under surveillance actually heightens the sense of reality, while installing an artificial Super-ego over the entire public space.“ says security expert Lawrence Quinn, who elaborates, “ besides, random people need attention, and security surveillance cameras provide just that, two people sitting and paying close attention to a monitor of YOU, Joe Public, navigating through public space. Seriously, how can anyone complain about ADD when we are either watching or tracking people-- if not cameras, then through cell-phones or banking numbers, nearly all the time."

One interesting psychological effect of long-term awareness of surveillance cameras is the Pseudo-Celebrity Complex. This tricky to cure condition occurs when the cameras are fully recognized and the subject starts to play theatrics to the cameras.

“We’ve seen desperate actors read lines to the cameras, or even Shakespeare once- that was creepy," says Beverly Center Security Guard Ramos Feliz. Severe onset of the Complex produces paranoia like symptoms where the subject covers all parts of the head and face usually with over-sized sunglasses and a baseball hat.

“Pseudo-Celebrity Complex is the only real downside to having these cameras everywhere, and don’t most people want the status of celebrities?” Commissioner Hardy continues, “to me the shoe is a perfect fit, society is in need of attention, and we need to watch what everybody’s doing.” he concludes, ”currently, the privacy infringement level for the masses and celebrities is about the same, so, the cameras are actually making people feel more like celebrities, even when they are not. Not since the WPA have we seen such a win/win situation for American Morale and National Security."

California Lawmakers Sick of Bad Suits

2008-01-30T23:15:00.000-06:00

The California Assembly recently proposed Bill 107.45 to ban the Suit from the male wardrobe. This bold move comes after years of complaints from Superior, Appellate and Supreme Court judges that the litigators they face every day, “wear the most atrocious suits—and simply cannot be taken seriously”. The bill cites several other reasons why male California residents, “appear to be in severe discomfort when wearing a full suit with shirt and tie. It’s a human rights issue. “ Claims Rep. Laurie Harper (D) from San Diego County, who continues on, “The result is a male population that just looks stupid, not smart, which is the intention of the suit, since coat and tie is just not working in California, we are going to take a progressive measure and outlaw the wardrobe option altogether.

Both, Republicans and Democrats are rallying behind Bill 107.45, agreeing that “Looking bad in a suit is worse than not wearing one,” says Rep. Edward Patterson (R) of Carmel, “the sanctions against the suit are long overdue, nobody wants to wear a suit to work anymore.”

The Bill will allow certain exceptions to British Citizens, and American men raised in Manhattan, NY, but all other instances, the State is not convinced the suit will be worn responsibly and there is a possibility for misuse. “We’ve seen skate shoes worn with suits and tie knots way to high up on the neck to look remotely appealing.” Rep. Deborah Cohen (D) Los Angeles County, “We are saving money we would have to spend on education about how to wear a suit and how to spot a bad suit. This has traditionally been integrated into education systems in Britain and New York City, but California’s hope for that kind of funding is long gone.”

Text Messaging: The Death of Courtship in the Modern Relationship Paradigm

2008-01-29T23:00:00.000-06:00

Really, Technology, and not just texting, is what is leading to the demise of courtship. But texting is what is on my mind. Here are three starter rules that guys need to know and, NO, ladies, sadly, it is not obvious to them.

1. Your first contact with your new prospective girlfriend, after the initial exchange of numbers, should NOT be a text.
2. If she ever texts you to call her, CALL HER. Do not text back asking, When is it a good time to call.
3. Don't text her late at night (after 10) with something clever and unrelated. This will be heretofore known as the Lazy Booty Call (LBC). It's just tacky.

In short, only text if it is cute (read light in subject matter and basically rhetorical) or scheduling related. Of course, texting can evolve throughout your relationship, but these are Starter Tips.

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The current disconnect that exits between men and women of marrying age is due to the over-saturation of todays society with anti-social media. Examples include, cell phones, blackberrys, iPods and laptops, as well as the portable tv, dvd and video game players.

In American culture, we have forgotten the rules of engagement. Pop culture author, Greg Behrendt, discusses this idea in his book, 'He's Just Not That into You', and implies that dating in the modern age bypasses traditional stages of courtship and seduction, in part, if not in total, due to this technology gap. Concurrently, a 2006 survey, commissioned by Samsung (conducted by Kelton Research), that included more than 1,000 teen and adult cell phone users from around the country, released astounding results. Want 2 Go Out 2nite? -- Nearly half of America says it's OK to ask someone out on a first date at least some of the time with a text message (46%)*. However, Americans are split along age demographics - *63 percent of adults age 20 and older say it's never OK, whereas 64 percent of teens age 13-19 say it's OK at least some of the time. It's Over! -- More than one out of 10 Americans (11%) think it's OK at least sometimes to end a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend with a text message. America's youngest and newest daters have that beat! More than one in five 13 to 15 year olds say "breakup texting" is perfectly fine (22%). ? (Copyright © 2007 SYS-CON Media) This sudden entry into an intimate relationships coupled with the casual distance provided by these modern personal technologies creates a new hurdle (or disconnect) in modern relationships.

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Evidence is Everywhere; God Approves of Thong Sandals

2008-01-29T20:03:00.000-06:00

Flip flops- the anti-shoe, the last step before entirely barefoot, is a cultural statement indeed. All ages, all genders, all races, all economic brackets purchase and wear flip-flops in public. About 5 years ago, someone put forth the idea that flip-flops, and bare feet for that matter, are acceptable everywhere for everybody with any outfit. I recently counted how many people were wearing flip-flops in a security line at San Jose Airport in January. A staggering 65% of all travelers were wearing flip-flops with winter coats and jeans.

A sign that the primitive, bare minimum of foam- and rubber between the first and second toe- is the most comfortable alternative to making a decision about footwear. Beyond the beach and the shower, the thong, as it was once called, triumphs all weather conditions and ranges of hygiene.

Which is where it becomes ridiculous and even vulgar when thongs are out in public and foot hygiene is not taken into consideration. In a perfect world, flip-flops would come with a coupon for a free pedicure. This includes men. Foot aesthetics aside, the really perplexing issue about flip-flops- all the time, is the flip-flop offers no practical support or protection for the foot.

The mass subscription to “just throw on the flip flops” and walk around almost barefoot through the streets and airports of America is an enlightenment of sorts. We can still expose our feet and be safe. . some force greater than man IS protecting our feet, We don’t really need shoes. We can wear thong sandals in all instances globally and our foot issues will be covered. The proof lies in streets, in almost every public space, a person wearing flip flops. It’s worth an observation, the evidence is there… take a look around and count next time…Watch out shoemakers your days our numbered.