Obama Administration Inspires Populous-Based Stimulus Package

“The Homey Hook-up” is what it’s being coined across the country. The stimulus package comes down to a look in the eye, a nod of recognition, a gracious and polite treatment of an employee, or a respectful conversation between fellow Americans while one citizen helps the other find or purchase the goods and services we cannot live without.

Magical things can happen to the quality and price of consumer transactions when the Homey Hookup is applied. In some cities, like Chicago, the mere greeting, “Obama” to a fellow cashier will slash a grocery bill by 20%.

“It’s all about connecting with the Man now,” say supporters of the stimulus package. “You either get it or you don’t-- and the Man can tell by a look in the eye, body language, and tone of voice… if you get the price discount or not. “

The scale of discounts is gradated. Top US consumer supply chains are reporting, “Employees seem to be just giving products away and applying discounts at the register whenever they feel like it. The inventory and balance sheets are totally out of whack-it’s like the people are taking Wall Street to Main Street.“

Recent reports from Rand Consumer Market Research state the current stimulus package allows:

1) 50% Discount at the register to family members of (any and all) store employees.

2) 35% Discount at register to blood relatives in good standing.

3) 30% Discount to customer who personally greets cashier and speaks to them “on the level”

4) Automatic –“anything helps in this economy--Buy 1, get 1 Free!” to customers “on the level” who compliment clerks for helpful store service.

5) 25% Discount at register to all “Homey’s” in good standing.

6) Complaining, Insulting and Nagging Customers will be prohibited by Law from receiving any discounts at the register.

7) 20% decrease in inventory and profits for Employers who are negligent and disrespectful in any way to employees in the service industries.

8) 10% Discount at register upon the utterance of the magic word, “Obama”

The US Treasury and the Obama Administration are still working out the details. They appear to be one step behind the People, who are taking America’s stimulating power shift into their own hands.

According to a manager at Target, “Management is considering putting large folding tables right behind the cash registers- so we can monitor how many products are going under the table-and straight out the door.”

Money exchanges at registers nationwide are leaving customers and cashiers smiling, laughing, and identifying with the tough times.

Americans around the country are feeling the empowerment of the new stimulus package:

A Kinko’s copy customer shares her story, “I was in Kinko’s and some bitch lady started ripping the clerk about a mismatched color on a baseball poster of her son. Screaming at the person working her order - big mistake in this new economy-her job was botched and she had to pay retail price. Now the same Kinko’s botched my job, but I was civil about it, making a joke about the bitch who blew a gasket about a color mismatch.. and what do you know? The clerk told me to go to a different register and I got 50% off!!”

A Trader Joe’s customer leaves the store with a free box of chocolates, “What a nice cashier, he worked it out so I got a free box of chocolates with my purchase because I used one of their old boxes as a grocery bag! Wow! Anything helps in this economy!”


Fast food chains are offering free upgrades from Medium-size to Super-size to any customer showing upon payment- a picture of the new first family- the Obama’s. This has reported to move inventory – and push America’s gross consumption back towards pre-recession level.