Exclusive Interview with San Diego!

The Saints of California series puts a face to the name, as San Diego reveals his character Californians can better identify historically why this state has always been speaking Spanish.

Jill: San Diego-there are a lot of San’s in California just to name a few: San Francisco, San Jose, San Luis Obispo, San Juan Capistrano the list goes on…why?

San Diego: Well Jill, when the Spanish explorers discovered California they set up ‘Missions’. San Diego being one of the first Franciscan missions was named after me St. Didacus of Alcala… Because I am the saint of divine precepts, smelling good, and killing moors.. and there were a lot of moor-like people inhabiting the San Diego when we first got there in 1769. We did quite a job. Its pretty white now.

Jill: How did the Saints choose which city they got to bless? Did the San’s let the Santa’s pick first? It appears all the female saints, or Santa’s, got to choose the rich area’s like Santa Barbara and Santa Monica.

San Diego: Each time we set up a new mission, we bless the land in honor and dedicate the mission to a Saint. Santa Barbara is the patron saint of artillery and explosives, and accidental death, which we thought was a perfect warning to rebellious indigenous infidels to obey the hand of god.

Jill: The hand of god you are speaking of managed to set up 21 Franciscan franchises. These franchises could be called the most successful economic stimulators of all times. I mean, your God Shops became Cities with distinct brand names. Do you have any advice for today’s Commercial developers about why Franciscan style branding like Santa Cruz, San Gabriel, and Santa Ana have a brand longevity lost to compounds like Federated Department Stores or Westfield Mall. What are today’s brand logo’s missing?

San Diego: We are very proud of our missions. They were very successful in civilizing the uncivilized. We used violence and the fear of god to get California where it is today. Most of today’s retail brands miss the fear of god in their message. All the security cameras in the malls have limited our ability to scare the truth into ignorant shoppers. So the Saints hands are tied. People will continue to live in the allusion that their life will improve by purchasing blasphemous Chinese products at godless houses of material worship.

Jill: The state of affairs sounds pretty bad, San Diego?

San Diego: Using man’s lack of intelligence about the afterlife to manipulate- is one thing. Using his lack of physical beauty is another. The Saint’s of California are disgusted with today’s meaningless gospel of consumer culture. The next time the earth violently shakes a mall to ruble or a forest fire consumes a series of luxury homes - Californians need to remember… Who’s their Daddy?

Jill: Thank you San Diego
San Diego: God Bless


Saint Didacus in Ecstasy Before the Cross, by Murillo