Los Angeles Infrastructure Hanging by a Thread

Los Angeles- the Babylon and On of our times.. was conceived with a good dose of sunstroke 75 years ago and has had its head in tv and film that long to ignore its daily infrastructure SNAFU’s (SNAFU=Situation Normal All Fucked Up)
Civil Engineers must be smoking medicial marijuana to ignore what is so obvious… the water pipes..power grid..and sewer systems.. most of the substructures..were done in 1924!!!!
Keep playing computer games waiting for the big one while sink holes and water pressure is so out of whack the sprinkler systems are causing problems weekly. We are in the age of digital worrying about water.. Anyone Anyone Why is our powergrid on wood poles interrupting tree growth.. and what is this GREEN Scene have to do with blocks of asphalt roofs and no zoning codes for replacing them with solar panels..

Waiting for the Big One..(Earthquake)

Typical Los Angeles behavior waiting for an agent from above to turn everything into a magical opportunity. Well this agent does not work for ICM or CAA. This agent is called Mother Nature and follows the agents of Chaos, Plate Techtonics, Geomagnetism and the Laws of Entropy (aka Physics). It made hi-tech Japan into a radioactive wasteland in minutes and now.. we play games with sprinkler days for civilians and challenge shower heads..worrying about water consumption when really the problem is the WATER PIPES ALL NEED TO BE REPLACED.

Varying water pressure and seismic activity have shaken this substructure system for 75 years now and we have the technology to use it..We just don’t.
Waiting… for what?
The WPA or Works Progress Administration http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Works_Progress_Administration, made this happen and now we need to figure out, Non-baby boomers, how to rebuild a country that is not a member of OPEC (Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OPEC
Los Angeles is a great opportunity, or will be an example of too little too late. Learning from Japan is truly something that is more pertinent than not…so next time Carmegeddon makes national news.. realize it could be sooo much worse and Los Angeles Water and Power works daily to keep LA shiny and happy and out of the realization that the infrastructure is old and stressed out.

Update! Skulls on Kids - STILL A BAD IDEA.

In response to the many heated comments on 2008 post Skulls on Kids - Bad Idea, Jill writes:

For people to be haters in defense of wearing skulls proves my point. Not a positive vibe. Art History talks eloquently about the meaning of skull symbolism dating back to the Middle Ages. The paintings of skulls represent the notion of VANITAS - the meaningless of Life, the material realm and the inevitability of death. 

"Common vanitas symbols include skulls, which are a reminder of the certainty of death; rotten fruit, which symbolizes decay like ageing; bubbles, which symbolize the brevity of life and suddenness of death; smoke, watches, and hourglasses, which symbolize the brevity of life; and musical instruments, which symbolize brevity and the ephemeral nature of life. Fruit, flowers and butterflies can be interpreted in the same way, and a peeled lemon, as well as accompanying seafood was, like life, attractive to look at, but bitter to taste.

Vanitas themes were common in medieval funerary art, with most surviving examples in sculpture. By the 15th century these could be extremely morbid and explicit, reflecting an increased obsession with death and decay also seen in the Ars moriendi, Danse Macabre and the overlapping motif of the Memento mori. Paintings executed in the vanitas style are meant as a reminder of the transience of life, the futility of pleasure, and the certainty of death. They also provided a moral justification for many paintings of attractive objects." --wikipedia- Vanitas

Child in a burke by DLazar

As one Anonymous commenter wrote: 

To believe that what you dress a child in determins (sic) their actions is crazy.

Women Hate Sports

It's basketball season! I coach a girls grade school team.  I went out to buy them shoes with some donations*.


I had seen a lot of ladies shoes online and a great deal at Foot Locker. When I arrived at the store and asked to see the basketball shoes that they had for women, I was literally laughed at.
Sales guy - Uh, we don't carry women's shoes. You could try Lady Foot Locker. (looks at his co-worker and rolls eyes)
Me – OK, where is that?
Sales guy - What?
Me – Can you give me their phone number?
Sales guy – What...? Uh, I don't think so.
Me – Why do you have women's shoes on your website – but none in your store?
Sales guy – Uh...what?
Me – You should change your name to Foot Locker FOR MEN.

At Foot Locker, we only sell shoes for real athletes, you know, MEN.

I call the Lady Foot Locker (after looking up the number myself, on my phone)
Me - Do you have women's basketball shoes?

Shape Up While You Walk!
Get in shape Without Setting Foot in a Gym.
AMAZING!

Sales lady – Uh. Not exactly.
Me – What does that mean?
Her – We have some shoes I'm sure you could wear for basketball.
Me – But, they aren't basketball shoes?
Her – No, but I'm sure they would be great.
Me - What kind of shoes do you have?
Her – All kinds of shoes for women! Walking, running, casual, cheerleading. You know, all kinds of stuff.
Me - But not for basketball? You know, it's basketball season, right? Thousands of girls all over the state are practicing right now on their grade school, high school and college teams.
Her – Oh, we do have some Shape-up shoes.
Me – What are those?
Here - You know, they help to shape your butt and legs just by walking around!
Me – (hangs up the phone)

Ok, no big deal, I am in a suburban mall and there are three other shoe stores in this mall. I walk over to Famous Footwear.
Me – Hi, do you have any basketball shoes for women.
Sales lady – No.
Me – Do you have any for men?
Her – (looks at me like DUH!) Yes, right over here.
Me – Will you be getting any in for women or girls.
Her – Maybe....doubt it. No.

The amazing MALL, where you can find anything you need, if you are a man.

OK. I walk over to Finish Line. They have shoes on every wall, hundreds of pairs for sale, in all brands and styles and sizes. Nice! I think. I need to buy 18 pairs of shoes and I am ready to make some sales persons day on commission.
Me - Do you have basketball shoes?
Sales guy – Yeah, tons! (big smile)
Me – how many different kinds do you have.
Him – Wow, uh, I don't know.
Me – More than 30?
Him – Yeah!
Me – Do you have any women's Basketball shoes?
Him – Uh.....no.
Me – None?
Him – No
Me – WOW! Not one pair? Because, women don't play basketball?
Him - (confused) Uh, I think they do...I bet they could wear some men's shoes though.
Me – Yes, I could wears men's underwear too, but I don't have any junk to whip out of that flap.
Him – (very confused) Sorry about that.
Me – YOU SHOULD BE!

I leave in a huff, ready to KILL someone. Here it is 2010 and there is not one store who actually carries women's basketball shoes?!?!?!?! How can this be? Don't they know that women hold the purse strings to the household? And that since Title 9 passed 39 years ago there are just as many basketball programs for boys in this country as there are for girls? HELLO.

I march into Sports Authority and demand to see their women's basketball shoes. The sales man looks at me sheepishly and says, Well, ma'am, we only have a few pairs.
EUREKA!
I buy every pair that he has in the sizes I need and and he calls around the area and puts the rest on hold for me. How is it that only one out of FIVE stores carries women's basketball shoes in the middle of the season?

Because, OBVIOUSLY, girls don't play sports.

*If you wanna donate a pair of shoes to my girls team click here – but you'll probably have to order online.

Clothes for MEN

Grow up and dress like a man.

Why?

Because you are a Grown-Ass Man!

As summer approaches here in the Midwest I want to do my part to help men all over the city dress appropriately.

Men, think to yourself, would a 2nd grade boy look cute in this outfit? If the answer is “yes” then you should not be wearing it.

Why, you ask.

Because you are a grown-ass man!

Many men of the thirty-ish age are having an Arrested Development Crisis. Not knowing how to dress like a Man is a prevalent manifestation of this crisis. Men (30 and up!) are walking around looking like frat boys, poor college kids, ironic high schoolers and in some cases, even grade-schoolers.

For instance, the man on the left can easily be identified as a Man, where the same cannot be said for his cohort on the right.

Recently, a 29 year old male friend walked into Urban Outfitters. Zombie-like, he headed toward their wall of ironic t-shirts. Images include, Oscar the Grouch, The Pillsbury Dough Boy, different scenes from Where the Wild Things Are, and amazingly, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, among others.

I had to step in.

STOP! I yelled. These shirts are cute on a grade schooler, perhaps a little funny on a High School student and getting annoying when worn by college “kids”. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE FOR A GROWN-ASS MAN! I know it is confusing, they make it in your size (up to XXXL!), they sell it in “MENSWEAR”, but it is not for you!

Imagine a sign that says 18 and under.



Lucky for you, JCO is here to offer some wonderful unsolicited advice, so let's begin at the beginning.

As a Grown Man you need to make decisions about what type of clothes you want to wear and go from there. Like it or not, your appearance goes a long way in people's first impressions of you.

So, what type of clothes do you want to wear?

Let's assume that you want to wear the type of clothes that will attract a Grown Woman.
If this is not the case, Stop Reading (and go find yourself an 18 year old girlfriend).

The idea is to dress to impress.


Wouldn't it be weird if a 30 year old woman was wearing one of the above T-shirts?

Do you wanna see some nice and grown C-cup boobies in a sparkly Hello Kitty shirt? NO WAY! That would be a red flag!

Let me hit you with a quick list of things we (Grown Women) don't want to see you wearing:

1. Cargo Shorts and Cargo Pants (Camo is even more offensive)
Exceptions include: being on Active Duty, working on a boat, yard work, home repair.



At right, an example of proper camo/cargo execution. Please note that the model is 6 years old.

2. Baseball Hats
Exceptions include: At a baseball game – from little league to the majors, caps at sporting events are OK, be they indoors or outdoors. Otherwise, it is basically NEVER OK to wear a Baseball Hat indoors. NO type of hat is acceptable in a restaurant, in a church, or in someones home. Removing your hat is a sign of respect. When in doubt, REMOVE IT. Worried about your hair...? What are you, a chick. Get over yourself and show some respect.

3. Flip-flops
Exceptions include: At the pool, at or with-in 3 blocks of the beach and in your own home. Or, if you live in Hawaii. This is confusing for guys because Women wear flip-flops to show off their cute manicured toes. When you start manicuring YOUR toes, you can wear them out and about. Until then, keep your nasty Shrek Feet to yourself and put on some Man Shoes.


4. Ironic/Graphic Shirts
Exceptions include: NONE. OK...1 or 2 in your wardrobe may be passable, for instance, if your name is Raphael maybe the Ninja Turtle shirt is OK...IF you were a fan and IF you have a girlfriend already because FYI - no grown woman is down with that shit. Better to go vintage than cutesy, however, and to be safe, just stick to sports shirts.




Does this guy look cool to you?!?!







5. Overtly trendy items, i.e. anything with appliqué.
Exceptions include: none



6. Sneakers with nice clothes (i.e. sneakers with a suit or slacks) – get some grown-ass shoes already!
Exceptions include: Very few men can pull this look off. If you are wondering if you are one of those men -YOU AREN'T.


Besides not attracting Grown Women, some clubs and bars won't even let you in sporting this kid-gear. Case in point below.
This guy (name with-held) was trying to meet up with some hot girls at a birthday party for a prominent Chicago drug dealer at a Chicago bar with a not-very-strict dress code. When he arrived the bouncer denied him entrance. He texted one of these girls to explain the the problem. When said hot girl showed up at the door with the birthday boy, he laughed. He said that not even HE could get this guy into his own party lookin' like that. Ouch!

Of course, there are times when you need to break some of these rules. These are guidelines for going out in grown-up situations.

Ask yourself, do they make this shirt in toddler size?

In today's casual society the bar is too low. Let's raise it up people.

Man-up already.

Self-Defense for Dating, Lesson One

What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place.
Ladies,
I think we can all agree on a few things. Dating today is dangerous! With modern day hazards like media (camera phones, facebook, blackberries), mandals (grown men wearing thong flip-flops and sandals), and the death of chivalry, we have a minefield to navigate.


Welcome to Self -Defense for Dating.

As a black-belt in TaeKwonDo and over all Martial Arts enthusiast with over 10 years of training (I just started Brazilian Jujitsu!), I have ample experience in the Art of Self-Defense. Adding to my formal repertoire, as a single woman of 30, I have real life experience to draw from as well!
I have dealt extensively with the following:

macho assholes who are tough

macho assholes who are actually pussies

drug dealers

drug addicts, drug fiends, and whores

guys who think that because they took karate when they were 6 that they are Bruce Lee and wanna prove it to me

gorgeous liars

manipulative lovers (fuckers)

insecure whiners

over-confident pigs

immature mamma's boys

and generally all manner of fuck faced jerk*


*might be worth mentioning here that I'm from Chicago

I am here to tell you the secret ingredient to Self-Defense - it's Offense!

In martial arts, like chess, there is the concept of the Perfect Move. The Perfect Move will be both Offensive and Defensive. The idea is to not only hold your ground and protect your position (Defense) but to simultaneously, wage an attack or gain ground (Offense).


Lesson One: What to do when a man is attempting to film you or take a picture of you in a public place. (without your consent)

In a recent incident a dear friend of mine noticed a man walking behind her at an odd pace. She was dressed for work (in a skirt and heels) heading home on the train. After glancing back a few times she realized that he was trying to take a picture up her skirt with his camera phone! Her shocked response - to run, casually, away from him.

Her response was Defensive. She defended herself by removing herself from the situation. It served her immediate need - eliminating his ability to film her. This Defensive response is OK, but this move does not advance her position. It does nothing to address her feelings of anger, shame and embarrassment, nothing to deter him from doing this again, (maybe to her!), and nothing to warn the public.


One option for the Perfect Move here is to Open Your Mouth!





As you remove yourself from the situation, point at him and Loudly say something like, "That pervert is filming me!".**


With this short exclamation you are achieving Many Offensive results. 1. You are putting that jerk on the defensive with your words and shaming him. 2. You are warning the surrounding public of a predator in their midst and 3. You become emotionally empowered instead of feeing ashamed, abused or taken advantage of.

**Be forewarned that all perverts will deny guilt. (you should be long gone by now but) Do Not Doubt Yourself! You know what you saw.


Another option for the Perfect Move would be to Strike His Phone/Camera.

(Amazing that there is more than one Perfect Move in many situations! Hooray!)

His phone will likely be in close proximity to you and, also likely, he will be gripping it awkwardly.


Recently, I was able to execute this move effectively. At a bar's outdoor patio a man I didn't know, with his camera phone pointed at me, made a comment about filming me. Though he was not attempting to view me in a (sexually) compromising way, I had not agreed to be filmed and did not know this individual. In this case the best strike was a kick. I was able to swiftly kick his hand with the phone. Before he knew what was happening I had knocked his phone from his hand and into the street where it came to rest under a car.

In this move Offense is the Defense.

The Phone Strike met my immediate need - eliminating his ability to film me. It also put him on the Defense, weakening his position, now he has no iPhone and a busted hand. Additionally, he will not come near me again.

At no point should you feel any guilt about a broken hand or a broken camera/phone. This is combat ladies and people get hurt! It's just the price of doing business.

Same move for the shameless passive aggressive: kick his phone, knock him down and smack him in the head with your hand bag, all under the guise of those pesky heels making you trip! Silly lady! (this move is best in a crowded and public place and must be executed when you have an available escape route.)


I highly recommend working out and taking a Self-Defense or Martial Arts class. With a little physical confidence you will feel more comfortable executing a strike. You will be amazed at its effective and empowering qualities.


So in review, search for the Perfect Move. Open your mouth. Strike.
Sometimes Offense is the best Defense.

That’s all for today.

Death of Michael Jackson Brings New Perspective to Deadheads

The Death of Michael Jackson at the age of 50 was shocking but not surprising. It is no secret famous musicians swear by their “Rock Doc’s”. (Doctors hired to travel and live alongside musicians in order administer and supervise hardcore drug habits).


The most successful drug-using Rock Stars are using the better doctors, for instance Keith Richards and Bob Dylan. Jackson, while gifted is unfortunately another case of a gifted musical performer who lost control of an advanced drug addiction.


But before Jackson will be admitted into the REAL Neverland, he has got to get past the Gate Security, which is reportedly swarming with Deadheads. These Deadheads will not let Jackson in, because, according to the Deadheads- Jerry Garcia did far more drugs and played thousands more shows than Jackson and STILL outlived Jackson by 2 years, making Jerry the Reigning King of Neverland. The Deadheads have blocked the entrance and Jackson is currently waiting in Pop Star Purgatory.

It has been revealed that both dead and alive Grateful Dead fans are far more dedicated to Jerry Garcia than Jackson fans are to Michael Jackson. There are more Deadheads then ghouls on Jackson’s Thriller video. Garcia played loaded to loaded stadiums for decades and the band toured up till the day Jerry died, and then they continued touring some more-playing to a subculture of hippie music fans.

Just A Casual Observation had the opportunity to interview a few Deadheads about this subject.

“DUDE, Jackson wussed out for 2 decades and got freaky, forgot about his fans, Jerry never did that, he steamrolled through the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s..on milkshakes, cheeseburgers and heroin, playing shows where he’d forget the lyrics, but his music never stopped.”

“Jerry didn’t really give a shit how he looked. Plastic surgeons and dermatologists was not how he got narcotic painkillers.”

“Jerry did sheets more acid then Michael-and he still played music. I mean, the point of the Dead is that the band improvises on a same group of songs. On the other hand, everyone expects Jackson to sound just like his highly processed albums. No wonder Jackson was ready to check out- 50 shows of the same song.”

“With the Inclusion of Jerry Band, the Reconstruction Period, and a Vault of 30 years of underground recordings of Grateful Dead Shows, Dead-icated fans have proclaimed Jerry Garcia the current King of Neverland and Michael Jackson is going to have to wait in the parking lot and hope for a Miracle.”

Summer Swimming Pools On High-Turd Alert

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Department of Health and Sanitation

Authorities in Southern California are informing residents “No Pool is Safe-Do Not Assume the Pool you are about to jump into is Turd-Free.”

It’s been brought to the attention of Just A Casual Observation that the Department of Health and Sanitation has been swamped over the last two weekends with a record number of complaints in Southern California--that people are leaving unrestrained fecal matter in the local swimming pools. Just A Casual Observation interviewed Los Angeles County resident, Holly McCarthy about her past weekends at the pool:

“I was visiting friends with my husband down in San Diego two weekends ago, where some little kid crapped in the pool. Unbeknownst to others, one father quickly noticed it was his son’s so he discretely swept it with his hands out of the pool and kept it on the down low. Only one other person besides us saw this. The others kept swimming with no idea they were sitting in a turd tub!"


They didn’t close the pool because there was no life guard or pool attendant.

JCO: Are you sure it wasn’t just a Caddyshack reenactment? A Baby Ruth perhaps?

“No, they looked more like little kid Whoppers than an adult chocolate candy bar. There were no laughs to be had since behind the scene dad was giving a spanking."

JCO: Was this an isolated incident?

“Absolutely Not. The next weekend back in Los Angeles-- in a totally different pool, the totally same incident occurred-so it seemed at first.”

JCO: Please, elaborate.

“At first it appeared to be another innocent kid turd when one of the victims sitting around the pool pointed out it was way too large to come out of a child’s ass. At this point all pool-goers agreed the proper authorities could use DNA to trace the turd back to the perpetrator. So we all did nothing to remove it to try to preserve the crime scene. So my neighbor and his girlfriend and friend just swam around as if they didn’t know it was there. The fools almost compromised the crime scene by stepping on an essential piece of evidence!”

JCO: Was the Perpetrator ever apprehended?

“The profile was determined to be a Male 15-85 in boardshort or some kind of unconventional swimsuit with no-lining. Authorities say he has now retreated South and is working the pools of Orange County. It was reported he left a trail along the coast. Long Beach had a sewage spill last week. Coincidence? ”

Using DNA and infrared sewer tracking , authorities are confident they will crack “Jack the Ripass” before the suspect hits the pools of San Francisco.